A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town in the South. She orders some chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast, she starts to choke on a chicken bone. Buford and Buck, two country boys in the next booth, notice she is choking. So they get up and go over to help her. Buford drops his coveralls and bends over and then Buck starts licking his butt. The choking woman watches these two go at it and is so grossed out that she launches foward and throws up all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat. Buford pulls his overalls back up and says to Buck, Youre right,that hind-lick maneuver works like a charm.

There was a mamma mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole outside of a farm house out in the country. The papa mole reached his head out of the hole and said, “Mmmmm, I smell sausage.” The mama mole reached her head outside of the hole and said “Mmmmmm, I smell pancakes.” The baby mole tried to reach his head outside the hole but couldnt because of the two bigger moles. The baby mole said, “The only thing I can smell is molasses.”

A guy is sitting at a bar, throwing back glass after glass of scotch. The bartender, a little worried, asks him if hes okay.

No, Im not, the guy replies.

I just caught my wife in bed with my best friend.

Well, asks the bartender, what did you say to your wife?

Nothing. Im not speaking to that bitch anymore.

Well, what did you say to your best friend?

BAD DOG! BAD DOG!

Two guys are out hunting and the one stops to take a pee and while he has his penis out he gets bit on the head of his penis by a snake.

The other hunter takes out his cell phone to call his family doctor to ask what he should do for his friend.

The doctor replies, make a small incision between the two fang marks and suck the poison out and then take him to the hospital for further treatment.

The hunter that was bitten asked his friend what the doctor said and the other hunter replied youre gonna die.

Three door-to-door vacuum-cleaner salesmen show up at a farmhouse one afternoon and the kindly farmer agreed to buy a vacuum from each if theyll keep their hands off his Virginal daughter while hes at the bank getting the money.

But when he gets back, he finds all three on top of his daughter. Irate, he fires a shotgun blast over their heads, marches them out to the garden and tells them each to pick TEN of any fruit or vegetable.

The first salesman comes forward with ten peas. Shove them up you ass, orders the farmer.

The second guy turns up with ten tomatoes and gets the same order. He has some trouble getting them in, especially as he keeps cracking up with laughter, but finally gets the job done.

Youre free to go, the farmer says to him, but do you mind if I ask whats so damn funny?

Collapsing with laughter once again, the salesman says, The third guys still out there, picking Watermelons.

A woman goes into Walmart to buy a rod and reel. She doesnt know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Walmart associate standing there with dark shades on. She says, Excuse me sir …..can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?

He says , Maam Im blind but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes.

She didnt believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said Thats a 6 graphite rod with Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line……Its a good all around rod and reel and its $20.00.

She says, Thats amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think its what Im looking for so Ill take it He walks behind the counter to the register. In the meantime the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her … being blind he wouldnt know that she was the only person around.

He rings up the sale and says, That will be $25.50.

She says, But didnt you say it was $20.00?

He says, Yes maam, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50!

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex.

The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her it is still experimental and tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner.

So, that night at dinner, she does. About a week later shes back at the doctors.

She says, Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you suggested. It wasnt five minutes and he jumps up, rakes all the food and dishes on the floor, grabs me, rips all my clothes off and ravishes me right there on the table.

The doctor says, Im sorry, we didnt realize the pill was that strong. The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages.

Naah… she says, thats okay. We wouldn’t go back to that restaurant anyway.

It was a miserable hot day in Dallas and these two black whores were walking down the street when one (Mary Jane) says to the other (Eloise), Eloise, honey, it is so hot out here today, why dont we take off our panties sos we be cool Eloise says, Oh, I dont know Mary Jane, I be too embarrassed.

So they walk on a bit farther and pretty soon Mary Jane says, Eloise, honey, I just cant stand this heat. We jess gots to take off our panties sos we be cool? And Eloise says, Mary Jane , I juss cant, Id be too embarrassed. So, they continue for a few more blocks, when suddenly Mary Jane stops and points to the porch of a house where an enormous black woman is sitting with her skirt hiked up to her navel, no panties on and eating a watermelon. She says, Eloise, honey, look up there on the poch of dat house. Jess look at dat. Ill bet she be cool.

And Mary Jane says, Less go axe her. So they shuffle up on to the porch of the house and Eloise says, Big Fat Mama, you sittin up here on the poch of dis house, what with yo skirt hiked up to you navel, no panties on and eating dat watermelon….. tell us… is you cool?

And the woman says, Honey child… I dont no nuffin a bouts being cool, but it sho do keeps the flies off my watermelon!

A cowboy rides his horse to a saloon and kisses his horse on the butt before coming in and asking for a drink. The bartender serves him and asks him why he did that.

"I have chapped lips."

"Does manure help them heal?"

"No, but it keeps me from licking them."

A young woman was having a physical examination and was embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed.

Im so ashamed, Doctor, she said, I guess I let myself go.

The physician was checking hers eyes and ears.

Dont feel ashamed, Miss. You dont look that bad.

Do you really think so, Doctor?

she asked.

The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo.