Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

How do I set my laser printer on stun?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me!!

Do fish get cramps after eating?

Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

Why are they called buildings, when theyre already finished? Shouldnt they be called builts?

Why are they called apartments, when theyre all stuck together?

Why do people without out a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is?

Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is?

Why does sour cream have an expiration date?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

Dont think that youre thinking. If you think that youre thinking you only think that youre thinking.

When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?

If a train station is where a train stops, what is a workstation?

Why is it, when a door is open its ajar, but when a jar is open, its not adoor?

Why is the word abbreviate so long?

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

What is another word for thesaurus?

When they ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?

If athletes get athletes foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?

If Barbies so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?

If blind people wear dark glasses, why dont deaf people wear earmuffs?

Why is it that when youre driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Do pilots take crash-courses?

Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

Its a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.

This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.

Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional.

I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to.

Why do we sing Take me out to the ball game when were already there?

If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

1. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
2. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
3. Why does slow down and slow up mean the same thing?
4. Why does fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
5. Why is it called after dark when it really is after light?
6. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
7. Why is phonics not spelled the way it sounds?
8. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
9. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
10. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
11. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
12 Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
13. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
14. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
15. Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?