Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers arent afraid to have a Chapter 11?

I asked my wife why there were so many dings on the drivers side of her Mercedes and she said the brakes must be bad on that side.

After you lose an election, will they let you back into all the exclusive clubs you resigned from?

This is the only place in the country where people pull over and stop for a funeral, but speed up to cut off an ambulence or a firetruck.

I went out today and bought everything Ive been wanting, because now that the elections are over, I know that the politicians are going to take care of the middle class.

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

If you cant drink and drive, why do you need a drivers license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

Whats another word for thesaurus?

What would we have called the color orange if it wasnt a fruit?

After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

Who is General failure and why is he reading my disk ?

The light went out, but where to ?

Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you dont have?

Why is it you have a pair of pants and only one bra?

How come when I call Information they cant tell me where my keys are?

When Im not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

I intend to live forever — so far, so good!

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Eagles may soar, but weasels dont get sucked into jet engines.

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and hell believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

If con is the opposite of pro, then what is the opposite of progress? Congress!

Why do we wait until a pig is dead to cure it?

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

When youre swimming in the creek, and an eel bites your cheek, thats a moray!

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

Why are there 5 sylables in the word monosylabic?

If its zero degrees outside today and its supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isnt the whole airplane made out of the same stuff?

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least its the scenic route.

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Its just stale bread to begin with.