Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs?

When you open a new bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder Why youre just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?

Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?

If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?

Why is it called a TV set when you only get one?

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

Why does an alarm clock go off when it begins ringing?

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?

Why isnt there mouse-flavored cat food?

It must be true that men are from Mars. Look at how the place has deteriorated.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Married people dont live longer than single people. It just seems longer.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they stick Teflon on the pan?

How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them?

When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

Does fuzzy logic tickle?

Why do we send cargo by ship, and shipments by car?

Why call it a building if its already been built?

Why do kamikazee pilots wear helmets?

How do you know when its time to tune your bagpipes?

Is it true that cannibals dont eat clowns because they taste funny?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it do the other trees make fun of it?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me!!

Whos bigger? Mr. Bigger or Mr. Biggers baby! Mr. Biggers baby because he is a little bigger!

Do fish get cramps after eating?

What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

How do you KNOW its new and improved dog food?

Why do they put locks on the doors of 24-hour stores?

What do they use to ship styrofoam?

What happens to the holes when all the cheese has been eaten?

If you put orange juice in the freezer it becomes frozen, then why when you squeeze an orange doesnt it become squozen?

Why is there only one Monopolies commission?

Why do ballet dancers always dance on their toes? Wouldnt it be easier to just hire taller dancers?

Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

Why Isnt there mouse-flavored cat food?

Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.