2. Find a way to change everyones password to chrysanthemum.

25. Thou shalt not hack.

LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.

LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.

LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.

LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.

LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant You looked up, or invoke the wrath of the universe.

LAW 6: The higher a golfers handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.

LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.

LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.

LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.

LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isnt, how do you explain the way it works against you?

LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.

LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and a tax agent — or some similar combination.

LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed.

LAW 14: Golf balls from the same sleeve tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (see Law three)

LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.

LAW 16: Nice lag can usually be translated to lousy putt. Similarly, tough break can usually be translated way to miss an easy one, sucker.

LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.

LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.

LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset of the same day

46. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesnt work.

47. Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species of flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh happily, exclaim Youre such a marvel!!, and kiss the screen. Repeat this after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, then the computer assistant, and walk out.

48. Run into the computer lab, shout Armageddon is here!!!!!, then calmly sit down and begin to type.

49. Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker chainsaw, rev that baby up, and then walk up to the nearest person and say, Give me that computer or youll be feeding my pet crocodile for the next week.

50. Two words: Tesla Coil.

Top Ten Questions on the Spice Girls Application

10. Can you read?
9. Are you allergic to spandex?
8. Are you comfortable with the name Replacement Spice?
7. Would you be willing to go on a lame reunion tour in about four years?
6. Do you have another job lined up when we fire your ass?
5. Were you dumb enough to spend $9 on a ticket for the Spice Girls movie?
4. Oh, and by the way, can you, like, sing or anything?
3. Have you ever taken the SATs?
2. Can you spell SATs?
1. Ever kill a guy?

Why dont little black kids play in the sand box?

Because there afraid a cat will try to bury them!

10. The monitor is up on blocks.

9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.

8. The six front keys have rotted out.

7. The extra RAM slots have truck parts installed in them.

6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.

5. The password is Huntin.

4. The CPU has a gun rack mount.

3. There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.

2. The keyboard is camouflaged.

1. The mouse is referred to as a critter.

Top Ten of Silliest Questions asked on a Cruise Ship

by Paul Grayson, Cruise Director for the Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines

Do these steps go up or down?
What do you do with the beautiful ice carvings after they melt?
Which elevator do I take to get to the front of the ship?
Does the crew sleep on the ship?
Is this island completely surrounded by water?
Does the ship make its own electricity?
Is it salt water in the toilets?
What elevation are we at?
Theres a photographer on board who takes photos and displays them the next day … the question asked … If the pictures arent marked, how will I know which ones are mine?
What time is the Midnight Buffet being served?

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

28. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.

Top ten sexually suggestive lines in the Star Wars Trilogy

Star Wars

10. Get in there you big furry oaf, I dont care what you smell!
9. Luke, at that speed do you think youll be able to pull out in time?
8. Put that thing away before you get us all killed.
7. Youve got something jammed in here real good.
6. Arent you a little short for a stormtrooper?
5. You came in that thing? Youre braver than I thought.
4. Sorry about the mess…
3. Look at the size of that thing!
2. Curse my metal body, I wasnt fast enough!
1. She may not look like much, but shes got it where it counts, kid.

The Empire Strikes Back

10. I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me.
9. Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?
8. Theres an awful lot of moisture in here.
7. But now we must eat. Cum, good food, cumm…
6. Thats okay, Id like to keep it on manual control for a while.
5. Hurry up, golden-rod…
4. I mustve hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled
up like that, huh kid?
3. Possible he came in through the south entrance.
2. And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!
1. Control, control! You must learn control!

Return of the Jedi:

10. Hey, point that thing someplace else.
9. I look forward to completing your training. In time you will
call me master.
8. I never knew I had it in me.
7. There is good in him, Ive felt it.
6. Grab me, Chewie. Im slipping — hold on. Grab it, almost… you
almost got it. Gently now, all right, easy, easy, hold me Chewie.
5. Hey, Luke, thanks for coming after me — now I owe you one.
4. Back door, huh? Good idea!
3. Shes gonna blow!
2. I think youll fit in nicely.
1. Rise, my friend.