You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
Top Ten Changes at NASA to Accommodate 76-Year-Old John Glenns Return to Space Aboard the Shuttle Discovery:
You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming Andre, Andre, Ive got the secret documents!!
You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
40. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
32. Bring a water pistol with you.
26. Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person next to you, grinding. Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke the person enough to let them blow up, as this releases tension, and it is far more effective to let them linger.
27. If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split ends, cut them and deposit them on your neighbors keyboard as you leave.
28. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.
29. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place them of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.
30. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions.
Joeys E-Mail Joke, and His Subsequent Visit from the Secret Service
Larry Learns About Leather
My Dad is a Fifty-Year-Old Hippie and I Want Some Discipline
Its a Mall World After All
RJ Reynolds Presents: A Teenagers Guide to the Dangerous, Grown-Up and Really Cool World of Smoking
I Can Stop Anytime I Want: My Personal Beanie Baby Hell
Look Before Crossdressing
The Littlest Testicle
Binge and Purge: A Junior High Girls Guide to Staying Skinny
If You Cant Stand the Infection, Don=92t Get Your Nipple Pierced
Eschew the Powder, Zebedee: An Amish Drug Tragedy
Yikes! My Boobs are Growing!
and Top5s Number 1 Afterschool Special for the 90s…
Your Internet Friend, Billy, Who Wants You to Take a Bus to Miami By Yourself, Probably Isnt Really 10 Years Old Like You
Ruminations & Ponderances
Ill bet Julius Caesars real last words were, Ha! The jokes on you Brutus. I still owe you 5 dollars.
(Thanks to Dave Henry)
[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com ]
[ To forward or repost, please include this section. ]
During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patricks Day parade – at any time of year.
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to the waist level on the man lying beside her.
The Chief of Police will almost always suspend his star detective – or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
Its easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone to talk you down.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place – nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.
Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned to a partner who is their polar opposite.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they are going to go off.
If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition, even if you havent been carrying any before now.
You are very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language – a German accent will do.
If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayors first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
When paying for a taxi, dont look at your wallet as you take out a bill – just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
Kitchens dont have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.
Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK stadium.
Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
It is not necessary to hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts – your enemies will patiently attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
Nobody involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off – even while scuba diving.
You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds – unless its the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment that it is aired.
You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, I dont understand any of this. Ive been to every lecture all semester long! Whats the deal? And who are you? Wheres the regular guy?
Top 10 Things Not to say to a Cop when you are PULLED OVER:
10. Back off Barney, Ive got a piece.
9. Wanta race to the station, Sparky?
8. I know I was weaving, but I cant find the Honeycomb Hideout!
7. On the way to the station lets get a twelve pack.
6. Youll never get those cuffs on me…You Wimp!
5. Come on write the freaking ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!
4. Hey, wasnt your daughter a pork queen?
3. How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.
2. Hey officer is that your nightstick or are you just glad to see me?
And the Number One Thing You Shouldnt Say to a Cop:
1. Im surprised you stopped me, Robins Doughnuts has a 3 for 1 special!
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