10. Elevator surfing!

9. Thou shalt delete thine olden messages.

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

31. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say you dont really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!

13. Woe be unto the user who attempt to crash thy BBS, for he or she shalt be cast out from the sanctuary of thy hobby and must repent by doing 40 days and 40 nights of penance of voice-only communications.

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

36. Come in wearing a full knights outfit, complete with sword and shield.

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

33. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructors requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.

11. When I shoot people, they will die quickly and cleanly, and I will never be arrested or troubled by their widowed wife and children. When people shoot me, however, I will at most receive a flesh wound, which will be tended to by a beautiful woman.

12. Nuclear weapons will never go off because something will always happen about three seconds before one does to stop it from exploding.

13. If an aged scientist is involved in any way, he will have a beautiful daughter who will gaze at me adoringly.

14. If royalty is involved, it will include a beautiful princess who will gaze at me adoringly.

15. If I have a kid partner, he will be tightly-muscled, clean-cut, and gaze at me adoringly.

16. If I am asked to compete against a world champion at any sport or game of any type, I will win. This will infuriate my opponent, who will then try to kill me.

17. If my opponent has a side-kick or henchman, he will never have a sensible name like Rick, or Steve.

18. Beautiful women will frequently furrow their brows with concern and ask, Whens the last time you got any sleep? They will never ask when I last bathed or used the toilet, although I apparently never do those things either.

19. The aliens will always be overpowered by the humans in the end though their fighting may result in a lot of casualties and destruction.

20. If everyone in a team dies, its the last mans job to win the fight against his enemy.

Special 1-hour lenses from Lenscrafters now allow it to see really, REALLY, *REALLY* far.
SBTS (Shapely Buttocks Targeting System) enhances astronomers lonely evenings.
New Super Big Gulp size cup holder and one of those little pine tree air fresheners.
When pointed toward earth, it can… HEY, YOU!!! IN THE RED SHIRT! STOP PICKING YOUR NOSE!
Bitchin speaker stacks that blast We Will Rock You when orbiting over Iraq.
Special kaleidoscope attachment for when the acid kicks in.
After 3 years and over $50 million of troubleshooting, they finally removed the lens cap.
Warning on lens mirror now reads: OBJECTS IN MIRROR ARE LIGHTYEARS CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR.
Gigantic Louisville Slugger installed to protect earth against asteroids.
Toy Surprise built into every new piece, for that day when they plummet to Earth.
By focusing huge magnifying glass, scientists can burn ants with pinpoint accuracy.
Much improved reception on the All-Alien-Sex channel.
New enhancement lets you record one galaxy while watching another.
Corrective lenses have giant mustache and fake nose attached for Groucho effect.
The new guy in charge of focus and zoom? Larry Flynt.

and the Number 1 Improvement to the Hubble Telescope …

Gigantic Impending Earth-Destroying Asteroid scraped off lens and put back in gum wrapper foil; Russians warned about further practical jokes.

[ This list copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff-Davis ]
[ *To forward or repost, please include this section.* ]
[ The Top Five List top5@walrus.com www.topfive.com ]

1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream Oh my God! Theyve found me! and bolt.

2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.

3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you cant get the it to work. After he/shes turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, and repeat the process for a good half hour.

4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evily.

5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to a different screen than the one its set up with.

1. Act out your version of a company takeover.