South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of
cocaine on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was substandard
cut, and asked that the person who sold it to him be arrested immediately.

When the judge called the case of People vs. Steven Lewon Crook.
The bailiff opened the door to the holding cell and called,
Crook, come forward. Five of the prisoners entered the
courtroom.

Then there was the psychology professor, a Yankees Yankee and a
feminists feminist, who tells the following story about herself to illustrate
that doctorates dont necessarily make you smart.

She was driving to a workshop in Atlanta from her home in Ohio.
It was about 10 am, and shed been driving the entire preceding day and night
herself, and she was consequently not in the best of tempers as she searched
for a motel in which to crash.

A Georgia state policeman pulled her over, got out of his cruiser,
swaggered up to her drivers window, bent down, and drawled, Lookie here,
darlin,–uh oh, everybody duck–Lookie here, darlin, nobody blows
through Georgia that fast.

Said the feminist Yankee overtired psychology professor: Sherman did.

She says he was not satisfied merely to give her a speeding ticket;
he made her follow him fifty miles out of her way to Nowheresburg, GA, and
wait at the police station until three in the afternoon for a circuit judge
to arrive so that he could explain to her why it wasnt the best idea in
the world to be impolite to policemen, who were after all interested only
in creating the safest possible environment for everybody including her,
etc. etc. The lecture went on for about two hours, she says, after which
she was released to drive the fifty miles back to her route and resume her
search for someplace to crash.

I work for the computer help desk of a large university. One of our more memorable clients is infamous for what I can only describe as techno-paranoia. The last time she called to tell us we were going to have to do something about the Internet Communists.

She was convinced that they were getting into her PC through her television and putting typographical errors in her word processing files. They werent there before, she insisted, and I dont make those kinds of mistakes!

Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, N. J., in
September, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by a quarter-stick of
dynamite that blew up in their car. While driving around at 2a.m., the
bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see
what would happen, but they apparently failed to notice that the window
was closed.

In the current film, Titanic, the character Rose is shown giving the
finger to Jack (another character).Many people who have seen the film,
question whether giving the finger was done around the time of the
Titanic disaster,or was it a more recent gesture invented by some defiant
seventh-grader. According to research, heres the true story:

Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory
over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured
English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw
the renowned English longbow and therefore be incapable of fighting in the
future. This famous weapon was made of the native English Yew tree, and
the act of drawing the longbow was known as plucking the yew (or pluck
yew).

Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and
began mocking the French by waved their middle fingers at the defeated
French,saying, See, we can still pluck yew! PLUCK YEW!

Over the years some folk etymologies have grown up around this symbolic
gesture. Since pluck yew is rather difficult to say (like pleasant
mother pheasant plucker, which is who you had to go to for the feathers
used on the arrows for the longbow), the difficult consonant cluster at the
beginning has gradually changed to a labiodental fricative F,and thus the
words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute are mistakenly
thought to have something to do with an intimate encounter. It is also
because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows that the symbolic gesture is
known as giving the bird.

And yew all thought yew knew everything!

The Bryant Gumbel farewell garnered the highest. Today Show ratings in
seven years. It just goes to show that if you give the viewers what they
want, theyll tune in, says Bob Mills.

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he
not only gave his famous One small step for man, one giant leap for man
kind statement but followed it by several remarks, usual com traffic
between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Just before he
reentered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark Good luck Mr.
Gorsky.

Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival
Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either
the Russian or American Space Programs. Over the years many people
questioned Mr. Armstrong as to what the Good Luck Mr. Gorsky statement
meant, but Mr. Armstrong always just smiled and would not answer.

Just last year, (On July 5, 1996) in Tampa, Florida while answering
questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 29 year old
question to Mr. Armstrong again. This time he finally responded. Mr.
Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the
question…. When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in
his backyard. His friend hit a fly ball which landed in the front of his
neighbors bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As
he leaned down to pick up the ball, the then young Neil Armstrong heard
Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky saying Oral Sex! You want oral
sex? Youll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the
moon!