An elderly lady did her shopping and upon returning to her car found four
males sitting in the car.

She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at
them at the top of her voice that she knows how to use it and that she will
if required…so get out of the car!

The four men didnt wait around for a second invitation but got out and ran
like mad, where upon the lady proceeded to load her shopping bags into the
back of the car and got into the drivers seat.

Small problem: her key wouldnt fit the ignition. Her car was identical and
parked four or five spaces further down.

She reloaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station. The
sergeant that she told the story to nearly tore himself in two with
laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter where four very pale
males were reporting a car jacking by a mad elderly woman.

No charges were filed.

This is pretty close to an actual sales call I received. The sales
persons name has been changed. The company name has not. I think
well stick with our current provider.

Bob: Hello, Im Bob ______ from AT&T, and Im calling to let you know
about the Internet services we offer. Do you have a minute to…

Me: Im kind of busy right now, but if you could just email me the
information Ill call you back if Im interested. My address
is…

Bob: Could I have your fax number? Were behind a firewall, so our email
doesnt always get through.

BUXTON, N.C. A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug
into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beachgoers said Daniel Jones,
21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been
sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it
collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach on the
Outer Banks used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to
Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, Va., but could not reach him. It took
rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while
about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital. You
just wouldnt believe the outpouring of concern, people digging with their
hands, using pails from kids, Dare County Sheriff Bert Austin said.

Earlier this summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an
hour east of Bakersfield, a fellow new to boating was having a problem. No
matter how hard he tried, he just couldnt get his brand new 22-ft Bayliner
to perform. It wouldnt get on a plane at all, and was very sluggish in
almost every maneuver, no matter how much power he supplied.

After about an hour of trying to make it go, he putted over to a nearby
marina. Maybe they could tell him what was wrong.

A thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect working order.
The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, the prop was the
correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to
check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.

Jon John, the worlds worst basketball player, was arrested and charged
with brawling in a public place. He pleaded guilty and threw himself at the
mercy of the court…. and missed.

Virginia: Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-home site to steal a
refrigerator. Banging up walls, floors, etc., they snatched a refrigerator
from one of the houses, and loaded it onto the pickup. The truck promptly got
stuck in the mud, so these brain surgeons decided that the refrigerator was
too heavy. Banging up *more* walls, floors, etc., they put the refrigerator
*back* into the house, and returned to the pickup truck, only to realize that
they locked the keys in the truck — so they abandoned it.

A 10pm curfew was imposed in Belfast, and everybody had to be off the
streets or risk being shot. However one citizen was shot at 9.45pm.

Why did you do that? the soldier was asked by his superior officer.

I know where he lives, came the reply, and he wouldnt have made it.

Derrick L. Richards, 28, was charged in April in Minneapolis with
third-degree murder in the death of his beloved cousin, Kenneth E.
Richards. According to police, Derrick suggested a game of Russian
roulette and put a semiautomatic pistol to Kens head instead of a
revolver.