In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, Calif., as he
fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing.
Death was caused when the large flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to
keep his hands free) crammed against the base of his skull as he hit the
floor.

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this
creative defense: My client merely inserted his arm into
the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is
not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole
individual for an offense committed by his limb. Well
put, the judge replied. Using your logic, I sentence the
defendants arm to one years imprisonment. He can accompany
it or not, as he chooses. The defendant smiled. With his
lawyers assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it
on the bench, and walked out.

A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a
robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head — and realized that
hed forgotten to cut eyeholes in the mask.

Science Watch: Government and auto industry officials are debating which
crash dummies best imitate humans in accidents. Says Paul Ryan, They
cant decide whether its the ones who play with the radio and do their
makeup, or the ones who eat Danishes and spill hot coffee in their laps.

Miss Canada 1996, Danielle House, got into a bar fight and was
charged with assault after allegedly causing bodily harm to another woman.
Says Jerry Perisho: The other day I went to a Canadian beauty pageant
and a hockey game broke out.

An Issaquah, Washington man apparently became frustrated with his personal
computer, pulled out a gun and shot it. The computer, located in the mans
home office, had four bullets holes in its hard drive and one in the
monitor. Police evacuated the mans townhouse complex, contacted the irate
PC owner by phone, and persuaded him to come out. We dont know if it
wouldnt boot up or what, says one of the police officers at the scene.

St. Petersburg Times – July 20, 1997

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously
waving revolvers. The first one shouted, Nobody move! When
his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

The White House says President Clinton will make a speech on
campaign finance reform today in California. Says Argus Hamilton, The
exact time hasnt been announced. Aides are still trying to fit it in
between fund-raisers.