My friend asked me what a paradigm is and I said, Its a model. He said, That means Kathy ireland is my favorite paradigm.

Reading the Living section of the newspaper, I have discovered there is a new definition for the word urban. It now means black.

My high school was so tough that everyone thought an outline was what you draw around a dead body.

Any womans ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once. Once cooking and the other cleaning.

The Atlanta zoo should name their Pandas Bill and Monica. That might encourage them to breed.

Lost Dog: Notch in left ear, left rear leg missing, tail bobbed, blind in right eye. Has been castrated. Answers to the name of Lucky.

Preachers are not put out to pasture. They have a retirement plan that is out of this world.

Oh yea, now the Boulder police think the teddy bear did it.

Theres a new cat food commercial that says if you have a cat, you live longer. Im here to tell you, it just seems longer.

Someone please remind me to never again wear a wrap skirt on a windy day.

To those women too beautiful to get a date: Im forming a support group at my place.

My boss is an idiot.

My friend was driving to the aiport and saw the sign, Airport Left. He turned around and went home.

The Republicans, drunk with power for several years, have started to sober up and are now wondering if the voters will respect them in the morning.

To the most beautiful woman: Men wont ask me out because Im fat and ugly. But at least Im not obnoxious.

Middle age: When work is a lot less fun, and fun a lot more work.