Diary of an AOL User

July 18
I just tried to connect to America online, which Ive heard is the best online service I can get. I cant connect, I dont know what is wrong.

July 19
Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a modem. I dont see why. Hes just trying to cheat me. How dumb does he think I am?

July 20
I bought the modem, I couldnt figure out where it goes though, it wouldnt fit in the monitor or the printer. Im confused.

July 21
I finally got the modem in and hooked up. A three year old next door did it for me.

July 22
The three year old kid next door hooked me up to America online for me. Hes so smart.

July 23
What the heck is the internet? I thought I was on America Online, not this internet thingy. Im confused.

July 24
The three year old kid next door showed me how to use this America Online stuff. He must be a genius at least compared to me.

July 25
I tried to use chat today. I tried to talk into my computer but nothing happened. Maybe I need to buy a microphone.

July 26
I found this thingy called Usenet. I got out of it because Im connected to America Online, not Usenet. I went to the doctor today for my regular checkup. He says that since I connected, My brain has mysteriously shrunk to half its normal size.

July 27
These people in this Usenet thingy keep using capital letters. How do they do that? i never figured out how to type capital letters. Maybe they have a different type of keyboard.

July 28
I found this thingy called the Usenet oracle. It says that it can answer any questions I ask it. I asked it 44 separate questions about the internet. I hope it responds soon.

July 29
I found a group called rec.humor. I decided to post this joke about why the chicken crossed the road. To get to the other side! ha ha! I wasnt sure if i posted it right so I posted it 56 more times.

July 30
I keep hearing about the World Wide Web. I didnt know spiders grew that large.

July 31
The oracle responded to my questions today. Geez, it was rude. I was so angry that I posted an angry message about it to rec.humor.oracle.d. I wasnt sure if it posted right so I posted it 22 more times.

August 1
Someone told me to read the FAQ. Geez, they didnt have to use profanity.

August 2
I just read this post called make money fast. Im so exited, Im going to make lots of money. I followed his instructions and posted it to every newsgroup i could find.

August 3
I just made my signature file. Its only 6 pages long, So I will have to work on it some more.

August 4
I just looked at a group called alt.aol.sucks. I read a few posts and I really believe that aol should be wiped off the face of the Earth. I wonder what an aol is, however.

August 5
I was asking where to find some information about something. Some guy told me to check out ftp.netcom.com. Ive looked and looked, but I cant find that group.

August 6
Some guy suspended my account because of what i was doing. I told him I dont have an account at his bank. Hes so dumb.

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