Discount airline watch-fors

With so many airline problems world-wide, I thought a quik check-list of things to look for before you decide to book any discount type airline service would be helpful.

Heres a few things to be watchful for:

When making the boarding annoucement, the flight attendant informs the passengers that seating is based upon a variation of musical chairs.
As you board the plane, you notice the co-pilot is wearing an Im with Stupid T-Shirt.
The Captain announces over the intercom the the Flight is delayed while he looks for his misplaced keys to the plane.
The cabin attendant announces that those pesky & boring safety procedure announcements have been eliminated.
The Airline mechanics, wearing propeller beanies, seem to be pointing and laughing an awful lot.

If youre still in doubt, be watchful if:

the Trendy desert-pastel paint job on the plane, upon a closer look, turns out to be primer-yellow and black.
the Ground Crew is seen using pennies to check tire wear
a man with an oily rag hanging from the back pocket of his dirty coveralls, and sadly shaking his head, turns out to be the airlines C.E.O.
a voice on P.A. system warns you to keep your heads and arms inside the aircraft while it is in motion.
the Stewardess offers coffee, tea or Valium

And finally, check to see if:

the air sickness bags have the Lords Prayer printed on them.
Jumper Cables are dangling from the door to the cockpit.
a man in clerical garb walks thru the plane, sprinkles all the passangers with water, mumbling something in Latin & exits.
a telephone with a really long cord connects the plane to the control tower.
the Navigator is studying a large unfolded Exxon road map, and has a compass hanging from his belt.

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