Old and New Jokes

Doctors stories-You cant make this stuff up. (Sometimes the truth is funnier than fiction!)





A man comes into the ER and yells My wifes going to have her baby in the cab! I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the ladys dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there are several cabs, and I was in the wrong one!



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At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patients anterior chest wall. Big breaths, I instructed. Yes, they used to be, remorsed the patient.



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One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a massive internal fart.



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I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, Cover your right eye with your hand. He read the 20/20 line perfectly.



Now your left. Again, a flawless read.



Now both, I requested.



There was silence. He couldnt even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with BOTH his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam



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And of course, the best is saved for last…. I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, So hows your breakfast this morning?



Its very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I cant seem to get used to the taste, the patient replied.



I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled KY Jelly!