Fun Things for Professors to Do on the First Week of Class

1. Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises.

2. After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream


3. Wear a pointed Kaiser helmet and a monocle and carry a riding crop.

4. Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student

and scream YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?

5. Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a

question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, The Professor cant

hear you, youll have to ask *me*, Winky Willy.

6. If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them

your piece of chalk, and ask, Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr.


7. Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses

with a stop watch. Record their times in your grade book while muttering

tsk, tsk.

8. Ask students to call you Tinkerbell or Surfin Bird.

9. Stop in mid-lecture, frown for a moment, and then ask the class whether

your butt looks fat.

10. Play Kumbaya on the banjo.

11. Show a video on medieval torture implements to your calculus class.

Giggle throughout it.

12. Announce youll need this, and write the suicide prevention

hotline number on the board.

13. Wear mirrored sunglasses and speak only in Turkish. Ignore all questions.

14. Start the lecture by dancing and lip-syncing to James Browns

Sex Machine.

15. Ask occasional questions, but mutter as if you gibbering simps

would know and move on before anyone can answer.

16. Ask the class to read Jenkins through Johnson of the local phone book by

the next lecture. Vaguely imply that there will be a quiz.

17. Have one of your graduate students sprinkle flower petals ahead

of you as you pace back and forth.

18. Address students as worm.

19. Announce to students that their entire grades will be based on a

single-question oral final exam. Imply that this could happen at any


20. Turn off the lights, play a tape of crickets chirping,

and begin singing spirituals.

21. Ask for a volunteer for a demonstration. Ask them to fill out a

waiver as you put on a lead apron and light a blowtorch.

22. Point the overhead projector at the class. Demand each students

name, rank, and serial number.

23. Begin class by smashing the neck off a bottle of vodka, and

announce that the lectures over when the bottles done.

24. Have a band waiting in the corner of the room. When anyone asks

a question, have the band start playing and sing an Elvis song.

25. Every so often, freeze in mid sentence and stare off into space

for several minutes. After a long, awkward silence, resume your

sentence and proceed normally.

26. Wear a virtual reality helmet and strange gloves. When someone asks a

question, turn in their direction and make throttling motions with your


27. Mention in passing that youre wearing rubber underwear.

28. Growl constantly and address students as matey.

29. Devote your math lecture to free verse about your favorite

numbers and ask students to sit back and groove.

30. Announce that last years students have almost finished their class


Most viewed Jokes (20)