Bad: You cant find your vibrator.

Worse: Your daughter borrowed it.

Bad: You find a porn movie in your sons room.

Worse: Youre in it.

Bad: Your children are sexually active.

Worse: With each other.

Bad: Your husbands a cross dresser.

Worse: He looks better than you.

Bad: Your sons involved in Satanism.

Worse: As a sacrifice.

Bad: Your wife wants a divorce.

Worse: Shes a lawyer.

Bad: Your wifes leaving you.

Worse: For another woman.

Bad: Your wifes leaving you.

Worse: To enter a convent.

Bad: Your wifes arrested for soliciting.

Worse: She implicates you.

Good: Hot outdoor sex.

Bad: Youre arrested.

Worse: By your husband.

Good: The postmans early.

Bad: Hes wearing camos and has an AK-47.

Good: The secretary said yes.

Bad: Your wife says no.

Good: The teacher likes your son.

Bad: Sexually.

Worse: Hes gay.

Good: You came home for a quickie.

Bad: So did the postman.

Good: You came home for a quickie.

Bad: Your wife walks in.

Good: You get a three-day weekend.

Bad: You get the flu on Friday.

Good: You get tickets to the theatre.

Bad: Its performance art.

Good: You go to see a strip show.

Bad: Your daughters the headliner.

Good: Your boyfriends exercising.

Bad: So hell fit in your clothes.

Good: Your car conveniently runs out of gas.

Bad: For real.

Good: Your childs waiting for Mr. Right.

Bad: Your son, that is.

Good: Your daughters on the Pill.

Bad: Shes eleven.

Good: Your neighbor exercises in the nude.

Bad: She weighs 350 pounds.

Good: Your sons doing extra credit work.

Bad: Making a sex ed video.

Good: Your uncle leaves you a fortune.

Bad: Its counterfeit.

Good: Your wife bought a porn video.

Bad: Your daughters the star.

Good: Your wife likes outdoor sex.

Bad: You live downtown.

Good: Your wife meets you at the door nude.

Bad: Shes coming home.

Good: Your wifes kinky.

Bad: With the neighbors.

Worse: All of them.