This is original, but the style is borrowed from Anne Degeneres,
a comedienne who currently has an HBO special out.

I met this beautiful girl last night. She invited me back to her place and
we had the greatest steamiest sex ever. Actually, it wasnt really the
*greatest* sex ever, it was more like medium-great sex, and well, she didnt
exactly invite me back to her place, I sort of followed her home to her
apartment.

To be factual, we didnt actually have sex per se, but we came very close.
You see we were fondling each other pretty intensely…well, actually, I was
fondling her, she wasnt fondling me…well, really, I wasnt actually
*fondling* her, our bodies just got very close together. To be honest, I
just sort of brushed into her.

Accidentally.
But it was great, really hot and sensual you know?

Actually, to be specific, it wasnt really her that I brushed into, it was
actually the back of the chair she was sitting in. Although, the chair
was…on the other side of a wall you see…in another room sort of. And I
was sort of leaning on the wall, but the chair was very close to the wall,
very close. Of course, she was on the third floor and I was sort of…on
the street…leaning against the building. But wow! What a night. What a
night.