Handy Guide to the Dating Signs

The trick to successful dating is learning how to interpret the hidden signs, those giveaway gestures that can tell you so much about a person. Train yourself to recognize – and decode – these KEY SIGNS. Figuring out these moronic little indicators can save you a lot of time and effort.1. Woman wont unlock car door for man – Doesnt engage in oral sex2. Man gets in car without opening door for woman – No foreplay3. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant – Prefers virgins4. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant but gets lost on the way – Is a virgin5. Cant hail a cab – Impotent6. Insists on going to a homely little cafe with windmill motif – Compulsive Don Quixote7. Insists on going to a romantic candle-lit restaurant – Compulsive Don Juan8. Insists on going to a Polynesian bar – Compulsive Don Ho9. Wants to go to a French restaurant – Will swallow10. Wants to go to a deli – Wont swallow11. Takes too long deciding what to order – Has trouble reaching orgasm12. Orders salad dressing on the side – Will give you a hand job, but will not go all the way13. Gives explicit orders to waiter – Will expect incredibly skillful gymnastics in bed14. Asks for extra rolls – Will say she is using birth control when shes not, will get pregnant and sue15. Insists on ordering for you, referring to you as The lady will have… – Thinks you had an orgasm when you didnt16. Asks for The Usual – Insists on missionary position only17. Asks what the specials are – Will want you to use handcuffs18. Fills up on bread and crackers – Premature ejaculation19. Doesnt finish everything on plate – Has already come20. Insists on having some of whatever you ordered – Will make you sleep on the wet spot21. Changes mind after ordering – Will never call you22. Changes tables – Nymphomaniac23. Drinks Decaffeinated. – Fakes Orgasm (Female)24. Orders in French – Fakes Orgasm (Male)

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