Atlanta School Board

The Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the fuss over Ebonics, has decided to designate Southern slang, or Hickphonics, as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. Here are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:

HEIDI — noun. Greeting.

HIRE YEW – Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.

Usage: Heidi. Hire yew.

BARD — verb. Past tense of the infinitive to borrow.

Usage: My brother bard my pickup truck.

JAWJUH — noun. A state just north of Florida. Capital is Hot-lanta.

Usage: My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck.

MUNTS — noun. A calendar division.

Usage: My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I aint herd from him in munts.

IGNERT — adjective. Not smart. See Arkansas native.

Usage: Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!

RANCH — noun. A tool used for tightnin bolts.

Usage: I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago.

ALL — noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.

Usage: I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck.

FAR — noun. A conflagration.

Usage: If my brother from Jawjuh dont change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far.

BAHS — noun. A supervisor.

Usage: If you dont stop reading these Southern words and git back to

work (or studying), your bahs is gonna far you!

TAR — noun. A rubber wheel.

Usage: Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh dont git a flat tar in my pickup truck.

TIRE — noun. A tall monument.

Usage: Lord willin and the creek dont rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime.

RETARD — Verb. To stop working.

Usage: My grampaw retard at age 65.

TARRED — adverb. Exhausted.

Usage: I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred.

FAT — noun, verb. 1. a battle or combat. 2. to engage in battle or

combat.

ARE — pronoun. Possessive case of we used as a predicate adjective.

RATS — noun. Entitled power or privilege.

Usage: We Southerners are willin to fat for are rats.

FARN — adjective. Not local.

Usage: I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed… must be from some farn

country.

DID — adjective. Not alive.

Usage: Hes did, Jim.

EAR — noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).

Usage: He caint breath … give im some ear!

BOB WAR — noun. A sharp, twisted cable.

Usage: Boy, stay away from that bob war fence.

JEW HERE — Noun and verb contraction.

Usage: Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cumpny?

HAZE — a contraction.

Usage: Is Bubba smart? Nah… haze ignert.

SEED — verb, past tense.

VIEW — contraction: verb and pronoun.

Usage: I aint never seed New York City… view?