Old and New Jokes

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says: I dont feel like it, I just want you to hold me. The husband says, WHAT?? The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it. So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She cant decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. Then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. And then they go to the Jewelry Department where she gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care. She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says, But you dont even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it. The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says Okay, Im ready, lets go to the cash register.
The husband says, No – no – no, honey were not going to buy all this stuff. The wifes face goes blank. No honey – I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.