If men ruled the world would be different
– Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to I love you.
– Hallmark would make Sorry, what was your name again? cards.
– When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she would appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during half-time.
– Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the bum would pretty much do it.
– Birth control could come in ale or lager.
– The funniest guy in the office would get to be the big boss.
– Sorry Im late, I got hammered last night, would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
– Itd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.
– Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the public ugliness ordinance.
– Tanks would be far easier to rent.
– Instead of beer belly, youd get beer biceps.
– Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, Youre No. 1.
– Valentines Day would be moved to February 29.
– Cops would be broadcast live and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.
– The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.
– The only show opposite Friday Night Football would be Friday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.
– It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of petrol.
– Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
– When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-alec answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine, as in:
Cop: You know how fast you were going?
You: All I know is that I was spilling my beer all over the place.
Cop: Nice one. Thats $10 off.