If Operating Systems Were Airplanes

DOS Airline:
Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they
jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground
again, then they push again, jump on again and so on.
DOS with QEMM Airline:
The same thing but with more leg room to push.
Mac Airline:
All the stewards, stewardesses, captains, baggage handlers,
and ticket agents look the same, act the same, and talk the
same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are
told you dont need to know, dont want to know, and that
everything will be done for you without you having to know,
so just shut up.
OS/2 Airline:
To board the plane, you have your ticket stamped ten different
times by standing in ten different lines. Then you fill out a
form showing where you want to sit and whether the plane should
look and feel like an ocean liner, a passenger train, or a bus.
If you succeed in getting on board the plane and the plane
succeeds in getting off the ground, you have a wonderful
trip… except for the times when the rudder and flaps get frozen in
position, in which case you have time to say your prayers and
get in crash position.
Windows Airline:
The airport terminal is nice and colorful, with friendly
stewards and stewardesses, easy access to the plane, and a
completely uneventful takeoff…then, once in the air, the
plane blows up without any warning whatsoever.
Win NT Airline:
Everyone marches out on the runway, says the password in unison,
and forms the outline of an airplane. Then they all sit down
and make a whooshing sound like theyre flying.
Unix Airline:
Everyone brings one piece of the plane with them when they come
to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane
together piece by piece, arguing constantly about what kind of
plane theyre building.
Mach Airline:
There is no airplane. The passengers gather and shout for an
airplane, then wait and wait and wait and wait. A bunch of people
come, each carrying one piece of the plane with them. These people
all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece,
arguing constantly about what kind of plane theyre building. The
plane finally takes off, leaving the passengers on the ground waiting
and waiting and waiting and waiting. After the plane lands, the
pilot telephones the passengers at the departing airport to inform
them that they have arrived.
Newton Airline:
After buying your tickets 18 months in advance, you finally get to
board the plane. Upon boarding the plane, you are asked for your
name. After 4-6 times, the crew member recognizes your name and you
are then allowed to take your seat. As you are getting ready to
take your seat, the steward announces that you will have to repeat
the boarding process because they are out of room and need to recount
to make sure they can take more passengers.
When you ask why its taking so long to fly from Ontario
to LA they explain that 80% of power is used to keep the plane in the
air and only 20% is designed for going places.
The only way to do anything is to say it in either FORTRAN 66 or
Algol 60. Each seat has room for three normal people. You can only
get out at every 10th landing.

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