The Indian Top 10:

1. Tears on My Pillau.

2. Its my chappalti and Ill cry if I want to.

3. Tikka Chance on Me.

4. Scatnaan.

5. Korma Korma Chameleon.

6. Whats the Story Morning Tandoori.

7. Easy like Sanjay Morning.

8. You Cant Curry Love.

9. Poppadum Preach.

10. Sheikh Your Body. All available on the fantastic new album, Turban Hymns by Donner Summer.

Bohemian Curry (sung to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen)

Naan-aa, just killed a man
Poppadom against his head
Had lime pickle, now hes dead.
Naan-aa, dinner just begun
But now Im going to crap it all away.
Naan-aa,
ooh-ooh
Didnt mean to make you cry,
Seen nothin yet just see the loo tomorrow,
Curry on, Curry on,
cause nothing really madras.
Too late, my dinners gone
Sends shivers up my spine
Rectum aching all the time.
Goodbye every bhaji, Ive got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and use the loo.
Naan-aa,
ooh-ooh,
This Dopiazas mild,
I sometimes wish wed never come here at all…

(Guitar solo)
I see a little chicken tikka on the side,
Rogan Josh,
Rogan Josh
Pass the chutney made of mango.
Vindaloo does nicely
Nery very spicy
ME!
Biryani (Biryani)
Biryani (Biryani)
Biryani and a naan,
(A vindaloo loo looo… )
Ive eaten balti, somebody help me
Hes eaten balti, get him to a lavatory,
Stand you well back
Cause this loo is quarantined.
Here it comes,
There it goes,
Technicolor yawn.
I chunder
No!
Its coming up again
(There he goes)
I chunder
Its coming up again
(There he goes)
Its coming up again, (Up again) Coming up again (up again)
Here it comes again
(No no no no no no no no no No).
On my knees, Im on my knees, Im on my knees, Oh there he goes
This vindaloo is about to wreck my guts
Poor me… Poor me… Poor me!

(Guitar solo)

So you think you can chunder and still its all right?
So you want to eat curry and drink beer all night?
Ooh maybe, now youll puke like a baby,
just had to come out,
just had to come right out in here…

(Guitar solo)

Korma, saag or bhuna,
Balti, naan, bhaji.
Nothing makes a difference
Nothing makes a difference to me.