Jake and Saul are two old retired widowers who reside close to each other and do constant welfare checks on each other. Much of their relationship is based on pragmatism rather than real friendship or personal affection.

One day, as he drinks his morning coffee, Saul opens the morning paper and turns to the Obits page. He gets the shock of his life when he sees his own obituary in the column. He realizes that the query for info on him by the local newspaper several months earlier, was in preparation for this event. He correctly surmises that it is a mistaken entry from their database, premature and erroneous. It still excites and rankles him, so he calls Jake up.

Jake, you up yet?

Jake, sleepily, Yeah, but Im only now starting my coffee.

Jake. Open the newspaper to page 31.

Why, whats in the paper?

Jake, get the paper and open it to page 31 NOW!

Ok, Ok, Ive got the paper here, so whats in page 31?

Jake, open the paper to page 31 already!

All right, dont be such a pain in the kiester so early in the morning already. So, whats on page 31 thats so important?

Jake, look at the bottom of column 4.

Why? Whats that story on?

Jake, read the story on the bottom of the column already!

OK, OK, Ill start reading the column if you stop yelling in my ear!

The paper rustles for a few seconds, then a long silence ensues.

Finally, Jake comes on the line, a bit quietly and somewhat fearful, So, Saul … where are you calling from?