11
Dec

Jewish weddings gone bad

A Jewish father, Moisha, was beset by his eldest son Yitzak …

Father, I am going to marry!

His father begins to dance with joy and sing Hava Nagila … Tell me, is she a good Jewish girl? says the father. What is her name?

OBrien replies the son … Shes Catholic …

Oy! says the father … But are you happy?

Im happy, says the son.

Ok…as long as youre happy … my blessings to you both, replies Moisha.

But the father is still counting on his remaining sons, Schlemiel and Chutzpah …

Schlemiel calls on his father the next evening, Father… I too will be married soon!

Again, Moisha breaks out in a dance and sings Gods praises …

What is her name, implores the father?

Kazalopodopolous, says the son. Shes Greek Orthodox …

Oy, says Moisha … But are you happy?

Im happy, father …

Ok … then you, too, have my blessing, intones Moisha.

Dejected, Moisha goes to the Temple to pray. Please God, let my remaining son Chutzpah marry a nice Jewish girl … to raise nice Jewish children in your eyes. PLEASE!

Chutzpah comes to his father excitedly and exclaims, Father! I am to wed in the spring!

Her NAME? WHAT IS HER NAME his father immediately demands?

Goldberg! says Chutzpah! Moisha is beside himself with joy! Praise God! Praise the Prophets!

Turning to Chutzpah, he asks, Is she Doctor Goldbergs daughter Shelley, from Los Angeles?

No … says Chutzpah.

Hmmm, says Moisha, Must be Attorney Goldbergs daughter Rachel from Hollywood?

Ah … no, father says Chutzpah.

Well, then, what is her first name, my youngest, truest, most beautiful Son?

Whoopi, says Chutzpah.

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