Old and New Jokes

Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and wonderful man her late husband had been.



Sidney thought of everything, she told them. Just before he died, Sidney called me to his bedside. He handed me three envelopes.

Tillie, he told me, I have put all my last wishes in these three envelopes. After I am dead, please open them and do exactly as I have instructed. Then I can rest in peace.



What was in the envelopes? her friends asked.



The first envelope contained $5,000 with a note, Please use this money to buy a nice casket. So I bought a beautiful mahogany casket with such a comfortable lining that I know Sidney is resting very comfortably.



The second envelope contained $10,000 with a note, Please use this for a nice funeral. I arranged Sidney a very dignified funeral and bought all his favorite foods for everyone attending.



And the third envelope? asked her friends.



The third envelope contained $25,000 with a note, Please use this to buy a nice stone.



Holding her hand in the air, Tillie said, So, do you like my stone? showing off her ten carat diamond ring…