Take all American women who are within five years of
menopause – train us for a few weeks, outfit us with
automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks, moisturizer with
SPF15, Prozac, hormones, chocolate, and canned tuna -drop us
(parachuted, preferably) across the landscape of
Afghanistan, and let us do what comes naturally.

Think about it. Our anger quotient alone, even when doing
standard stuff like grocery shopping and paying bills, is
formidable enough to make even armed men in turbans tremble.

Weve had our children, we would gladly suffer or die to
protect them and their future. Wed like to get away from
our husbands, if they havent left already. And for those of
us who are single, the prospect of finding a good man with
whom to share life is about as likely as being struck by

We have nothing to lose.

Weve survived the water diet, the protein diet, the
carbohydrate diet, and the grapefruit diet in gyms and
saunas across America and never lost a pound. We can easily
survive months in the hostile terrain of Afghanistan with no
food at all!

Weve spent years tracking down our husbands or lovers in
bars, hardware stores, or sporting events…finding bin
Laden in some cave will be no problem.

Uniting all the warring tribes of Afghanistan in a new
government? Oh, please … weve planned the seating
arrangements for in-laws and extended families at
Thanksgiving dinners for years … we understand tribal

Between us, weve divorced enough husbands to know every
trick there is for how they hide, launder, or cover up bank
accounts and money sources. We know how to find that money
and we know how to seize it … with or without the
governments help!

Let us go and fight. The Taliban hates women. Imagine their
terror as we crawl like ants with hot-flashes over their
godforsaken terrain.

Im going to write my Congresswoman. You should, too!

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