Top ten answers I always wanted to give to women but never have (and had to keep on dealing with an acute sense of repression of my true nature).

No, we cant be friends, I just want to use you for sex.
The dress doesnt make you look fat, its all the pizzas and chocolate you eat that make you actually fat.
Of course Ill call you. When I need to have sex again.
No, I wont be gentle.
Of course you have to swallow.
Well yes, actually, I do this all the time. (After breaking wind)
No, I dont like stupid friends.
No, you will never see me again after tonight.
No, I dont care about your feelings.
Foreplay? I dont even know how to spell the word.