More Supposedly Real Funny Sentences

I found these sentences in a book which claims that they are from
actual newspaper articles:

Great care must be exercised in tying horses to trees, as they are apt
to bark.
We do not tear your clothing with machinery; we do it carefully by hand.
After Governor Baldridge watched the lion perform, he was taken to Main
Street and fed twenty-five pounds of red meat in front of the Fox Theater.
The Duchess handled the launching beautifully, confidently smashing the
champagne against the prow. The crowd cheered as she majestically slid
down the greasy runway into the sea.
Anti-nuclear protestors released live cockroaches inside the White House
Friday, and these were arrested when they left and blocked a security gate.

I worry about these people.

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