1. You have the right to swing first. Anything you do can and will lead to an ass-kicking. 2. You have the right to have a priest and/or an EMT present at the time of the ass-kicking. 3. If you dont have a priest, one will be appointed free of charge, to read you your last prayer.

The Miranda Rights As Cops Would Really Like To Read Them…..

1. No, I dont care who you are. 2. No, I dont care who you know. 3. Yes… you DO pay my salary. 4. Yes… you CAN have my job. 5. No, I dont have anything better to do. 6. Yes, I DO arrest real criminals sometimes. 7. No, I am not picking on you because you are _____________ (fill in some ethnic group/race). 8. No, I cant give you a break. 9. No, I dont know your friend, Officer ______. 10. Yes, you will be allowed to make a phone call. 11. Yes, Im sure you will never do it again. 12. No, we cant talk about it. 13. Yes, it DOES make me happy. 14. Yes, you WILL see me in court.