Ode to a Mammogram (rated)

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For years n years they told me,

Be careful of your breasts.

Dont ever squeeze or bruise them,

And give them monthly tests.

So I heeded all their warnings

And protected them by law

Guarded them very carefully,

An always wore a bra.

After thirty years of careful care,

The doctor found a lump,

He ordered up a Mammogram

To look inside that clump.

Stand up very close, she said,

As she got my tit in line,

And tell me when it hurts, she said,

Ah, yes! There! Thats just fine.

She stepped upon a pedal …

I could not believe my eyes!

A plastic plate was pressing down …

My boob was in a vise!!!

My skin was stretched n stretched

From way up by my chin,

And my poor tit was being squeezed

To Swedish pancake thin!!!

Excruciating pain I felt,

Within its vise-like grip,

A prisoner in this vicious thing,

My poor defenseless tit!!

Take a deep breath she said to me

Who does she think shes kidding?

My chest is smashed in her machine,

I cant breathe and woozy I am getting.

There, that was good, I heard her say

As the room was slowly swaying.

Now lets get the other one.

Lord, have mercy, I was praying.

It squeezed me from the up and down,

It squeezed me from both sides,

Ill bet shes never had this done

To her tender little hide!

If I had no problem when I came in,

I surely have one now …

If there had been a cyst in there,

It would have popped – Ker-pow!!

This machine was made by a man,

Of this I have no doubt.

Id like to get his balls in there,

For months hed go without!!

— Author Unknown

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