Q: Whats the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
A: The prostitute says, Arent you done yet?
The nympho says, Are you done already?
The blonde says, Beige. . . I think Ill paint the ceiling beige.
21
May
21
May
Quit drinkin gas
Keep your television on a low setting, no higher than channel 5
Recycle Top Ten List entries
Recycle Top Ten List entries
Host late-night talk show that causes millions of Americans to turn off their television sets
Crap, thats a hard question… is wrestling on?
Instead of motor oil, lubricate your cars engine with Oil of Olay
Turn off the lights at Shea Stadium – would it really matter?
Say goodbye to your electric razor – get yourself some Epil-Stop & Spray
Become President – ignore the problem completely
MMI, Viacom Internet Services Inc.
21
May
How the Bible would have been different if written by college students:
Loaves and Fishes replaced by Pizza and Chips
Ten Commandments are actually only five, but because they are double-spaced and written in a large font, they look like ten.
Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasnt dorm food.
Pauls Letters to the Romans become Pauls E-Mail to the Romans.
Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates. The place where the end of the world occurs, not the Plains of Armageddon, rather Finals.
Tower of Babel blamed for Foreign Language requirement. Reason why Moses and followers walked in desert for 40 years: They didnt want to ask directions and look like a Freshman.
Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter and hoped no one noticed.
21
May
A blonde had some goldfish and she did not know how to feed them. So she called her brunette friend, and she showed her how. Once they were done feeding them, the blonde said, Now, what do I give them to drink?
21
May
Q: What did the Butcher say to me when he gave me an Empty Hotdog?
A: Have a Hollow Weenie.
21
May
Given recent events in Florida, the tourism board in Texas has developed
a new advertising campaign based on the slogan Yall come to Texas,
where we aint shot a tourist in a car since November 1963.
21
May
Forrest Gump – Life is like a Box of chocolates…
Forrest Dahmer – People are like a box of chocolate, YUM!
Forrest (Homer)Simpson – Mmmmm, chocolate
Forrest the Hun – Chocolate all mine!
Forrest Simmons – Chocolate is bad!, EXERCISE EXERCISE!
Forrest Rivera – People who like Chocolate..Next on Forrest
Forrest Shakespeare – Chocolate, or no chocolate thats the question
Forrest Of Borg – All chocolates must be assimilated
Forrest Presley – Hunk a hunk of milk chocolate
Forrest Zen – I am one with the chocolate
Forrest McClaine – I used to be a box of Chocolates
Forrest Ventura – Chocolates..Alll-Riighty then…
Forrest Lauper – People just wanna have chocolate
Forrest Turner – Whats chocolate gotta do, gotta do with it?
Forrest Bones – D*@!* Jim, Im a Dr., not a box of chocolate
Forrest Spock – Logically speaking, we are all chocolate
Forrest Scotty – The box, shes breaking apart Captn
Forrest Butler – Frankly Scarlett, I dont like chocolate
Forrest OHara – Tomorrow, is another box of chocolates.
Forrest Lee – Fight with your inner chocolate
Forrest Clinton – I didnt inhale the cream centers
Forrest Davidson – I will inhale the cream filled centers
Forrest Doo – Roinks Raggy, Rocolates!
Forrest Marx – Thats the weirdest box of chocolates Ive ever seen.
Forrest Nicholson – You want chocolate, you cant handle chocolate
Forrest Copperfield – Poof, the chocolates are gone!
Forrest Noah – 2 creams, 2 nuts, 2 coconuts, 2 peanut butter
Forrest on phonics – Lief es lyk a boks uv chakolets
Forrest PsychicLine – Yes, I knew you were a chocolate
Forrest Alimony – The Box is mine!
Forrest Andrews – The Hills are alive..like a box of chocolates
Forrest Costello – Whos eating chocolate?
Forrest Abbott – No, who is not eating chocolate
Forrest Vader – Luke, I am your chocolate
Forrest Yoda – There is a dark chocolate, and a light chocolate.
20
May
Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
Toes go in first.
20
May
Concentrada, la esposa se acerca a su marido:
Raúl estaba pensando…
¿Pero para qué, Luisa?, interrumpe el esposo. ¡El médico te dijo que hagas la vida de siempre y que no andes con cosas raras!
20
May
La esposa le dice al esposo: ¿Por qué no arreglas la luz del pasillo?
El esposo contesta: ¡Pero si yo no soy electricista!
¿Por qué no arreglas ese mueble de la cocina?
¡Pero si yo no soy carpintero!
Un dÃa llega el esposo y ve que la luz y el mueble están arreglados y el esposo le pregunta: ¿Cómo has arreglado todo?
Vino el vecino nuevo y lo arregló todo.
¿Y te cobró algo?
Bueno, me dio a elegir entre hacerle una tarta o acostarme con él.
¿Y de qué le hiciste la tarta?
¡Pero si yo no soy pastelera!