A tall blonde and a tall brunette are stading in an elevator. A short bald man with lots of dandruff walks in, then gets off at the next floor. The brunette says, “Boy he could use some head and shoulders.” The blonde says, “Hm. How do you give shoulders?”
10
Apr
10
Apr
A highly timid little man, Casper Milquetoast, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?
A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, Thatd be my dog. Why?
Well, squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, I believe my dog just killed it, sir.
What? roared the big man in disbelief. What kind of dog do you have?
Sir, answered the little man, Its a four week old puppy.
How could your puppy kill my Doberman? roared the biker.
It appears that he choked on it, sir.
09
Apr
Q: How many IRC chatters does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. Theyre so busy saying hello, goodbye, and kicking each other off that no one ever has enough time to get anything done !
09
Apr
A blind man is sitting on a park bench. A rabbi sits down next to him. The rabbi is chomping on a piece of matzah.
Taking pity on the blind man, he breaks off a piece and gives it to the blind man.
Several minutes later, the blind man turns taps the rabbi on the shoulder and asks, Who wrote this junk?
09
Apr
One day an engineer died and went to hell. He made all of these wonderful things like fans, escalators, and other great stuff.
One day God saw all of the stuff down in hell and said ,Devil, where the hell did you get those things?
The devil said, We have an engineer down here and he made all of this stuff and you cant do a thing about it!
God screamed, Oh yeah?! Well Ill sue!
The devil said Go ahead, but where are YOU going to get a lawyer?
09
Apr
A good days hunting.
09
Apr
Two young men decided to make a bet as to which one of them could make love more times in one night. They agreed that sunrise would be the end of the contest and each went to their respective motel rooms.
The more boastful of the two … went right to it and made love to his date … leaned over and marked a l on the wall … Feeling sprightly, he went again … and once again at the completion of the act … marked another l on the wall – next to the first. Figuring he had the bet in the bag … he decided to relax a bit and in relaxing … fell asleep.
Awakened by the suns rays coming in the window … he quickly grab his lady and did it one more time … and marked another l on the wall … Just at that time … His friend enters … and upon seeing the marks on the wall exclaims:
DAMN – a hundred and eleven … beat me by three …
09
Apr
How do you know a blondes been at your computer? The joysticks wet.
How else do you know a blondes been at your computer? Theres white out on the screen.
How do you know shes been back? Theres writing on the white out.
What do a turtle and a blonde have in common? Once theyre on their backs, theyre fucked!…but at least the turtle tries to get back up!
09
Apr
A man wonders when life truly begins. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question.
After consulting the Bible, the priest says, My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that life begins upon the union of egg and sperm.
The man thinks: What does a priest know about life? After all, anyone in the Catholic clergy would be saying that due to the shrinking of their flock in the past several decades.
The man decides to ask a Unitarian minister and receives different reply: The beginning of life is not something that can be determined exactly. Even the words beginning and life are too broadly defined to arrive at a meaningful answer. However we will be having a discussion group about this in three weeks if you would like to attend, the minister said.
Not pleased with the reply, and unwilling to wait for three weeks he seeks out the ultimate authority: a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge. In other words, he goes to a rabbi. The Rabbi briefly ponders the question, then states, My son, its quite simple. Life begins when all the kids leave the nest and the dog dies.
09
Apr
why cant a blond count to 70 becouse 69 is a mouth foll