Old and New Jokes

Q: How many Victorians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: [Ahem] We do not discuss this with ladies and children present.

Un médico llevaba a su hija de 4 años al preescolar. La niña tomó el estetoscopio que el doctor había dejado en el asiento del auto, y comenzó a jugar con él.

Enternecido y lleno de ogullo, el doctor pensó: ¡Vaya, mi hija quiere seguir los pasos de su padre!

Entonces, la niña habló hacia el instrumento: Bienvenidos a MacDonalds. ¿Puedo tomar su orden?

One day a poor old lady found a dollar and with that dollar she bought a lottery ticket. And she won the lottery!She bought a house and a dog. She said to herself, What should I name my house? And she looked around and she saw a guy mooning her so she decided to name her house Butt Then she needed a name for her dog. So she looked around and saw a crack house so she named her dog Crack. One day about a month later she woke up and couldnt find her dog. She looked all over the house and she couldnt find it anywhere! So finally she called the cops and said, Police please help me Ive looked all over my Butt but I cant find my Crack!

People will believe anything if you whisper it.

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says… Why the long

face?

A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuit. The prosecutor opened his questioning with, Where were you the night of August 24th?



Objection! said the defense attorney. Irrelevant!



Oh, thats okay, said the blonde from the witness stand. I dont mind answering the question.



I object! the defense said again.



No, really, said the blonde. Ill answer.



The judge ruled: If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defense to object.



So the prosecutor repeated the question: Where were you the night of August 24th?



The blonde replied brightly, I dont know.

All men are idiots … I married their king.

WHY DID THE MONKEY FALL OUT OF THE TREE?
IT DIED.
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WHY DID THE HOUSE COLLAPSE?
YOUR MOM SAT ON IT.
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DO YOU WANT TO HEAR A JOKE?
SO DO I…
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WHAT TO HEAR A DIRTY JOKE?
THE CLOWN FELL IN THE MUD.
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Knock Knock
Whos there?
Jerome!
Jerome who!
Jerome where you want to!

Buy her another beer.