A man walking down the beach sees an old bottle in the sand and begins to play kick-the-bottle to amuse himself. After a while he picks it up, and a pissed-off genie emerges. She says, normally I grant 3 wishes, but in your case, you son-of-a-@#*%, I am going to grant only 1.
The man thinks a minute and says, Okay, I want to wake up with 3 women in my bed. She says, So be it!, and disappears back into the bottle.
Next morning, the guy wakes up with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding and Hilary Clinton. He has no penis, a broken leg, and no health insurance.
10
Sep
10
Sep
I have two friends in North Georgia named LeRoy and Bubba. Last October
they went down to Athens to see a football game, and during the halftime
activities, they noticed UGA, the canine mascot of the Bulldog team, licking
his privates on the fifty yard line.
Damn, Bubba, I wish I could do that! LeRoy said.
Bubba cried, Fool! That dog would bite your head off!
10
Sep
BATCH – A group, kinda like a herd.
10
Sep
Yo mama so fat that she has more chins than a chinese phone book
10
Sep
A foreman at a construction site gathers three of his workers: an Irishman, an Italian and a Chinese.
He says to the Irishman, youre in charge of Sweeping,I want this whole area swept up before I get back.
He says to the Italian, Youre in charge of shoveling. I want that pile shoveled into the truck so they can haul it away.
He says to the Chinaman, Youre in charge of supplies. No make sure that all gets done before I get back.
Three hours later, he returns and none of the work is done. The Irishman says, I couldnt find a broom. You left the Chinaman in charge of supplies and he disappeared. The Italian says And I couldnt find a shovel.
So the forman starts walking and looking for the chinaman. Just then,the Chinaman jumps out from behind a pillar and screams SUPPLIES!!
10
Sep
The church choir was putting on a car wash to raise money to pay their expenses for a special trip.
They made a large sign, CAR WASH FOR CHOIR TRIP, and on the given Saturday business was very good.
But by two oclock the skies clouded and the rain poured and there were hardly any customers. Finally, one of the girl washers had an idea. She printed a very large poster which said, WE WASH (then an arrow pointing skyward) GOD RINSES.
Business boomed!
10
Sep
The new American ambassador was being entertained by an African diplomat.
They had spent the day discussing the progress the country had made with
the Russians before kicking them out. They built us a power plant, an
airport, and taught us how to drink vodka and play Russian roulette.
The ambassador looked pained and said, Russian roulette is a dangerous game.
Right, thats why we invented African roulette, would you like to play?
Im not sure, how does it work? The African clapped his hands and six
gorgeous black women, all nude, came wiggling in, the diplomat explained,
Choose the one you want to give you oral sex.
Thats a lot better and less risky than Russian routlette…
Not when one of them is a cannibal.
Bill Kennedy …{rutgers,ihnp4!killer}!ssbn!bill or bill@ssbn.WLK.COM
10
Sep
There were these two vampires talking. One says to the other, I heard on TV that wine is good for the health. The other one said, Well, lets go to Italy, the Italians drink wine.
So they go to Italy, stand on the bridge and wait. A woman walks by. They vampires kill her, drink her blood and throw the body over the bridge. A few minutes later, a man walks by. They kill him, drink his blood and throw his body over the bridge. Then another man comes along, and they kill him too.
Just as they were about to throw the body over the bridge, they hear a voice singing. The two vampires look down to see an alligator under the bridge singing, Drained wops keep falling on my head.
10
Sep
A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow Id be a little bull.
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.
The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!
The kid smiles and says, I would be a bus driver!
10
Sep
10) They told me at the blood bank this might happen. 9) This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to. 8) Whew! Guess I left the top off the Wite-Out. You probably got here just in time! 7) I wasnt sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm. 6) I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance. 5) I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stess. Do you discriminate toward people who practice Yoga? 4) Dang! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem. 3) The coffee machine is broken… 2) Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot… 1) …..in Jesus name, Amen.