Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
When its time to go back to childhood, hes already there.
Q: Whats cannibalism?
A: Germans eating pork …
Q: How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast?
A: They marched in backwards and the Polish thought they were leaving.
Q: Why cant a german get AIDS?
A: He has no friends.
An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says,
Were having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive
The four open the door and look out below.
The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers God Save The Queen and jumps.
The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers Viva La France and he also jumps.
This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers Remember the Alamo and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.
A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being pay-day, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheque.
When He finally appeared at home, Sunday Night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.
Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him.
How would you like it if you didnt see me for two or three days?
To which he replied.
That would be fine with me.
Monday went by and he didnt see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
One juror overheard saying to another. . .
Youll notice that neither the prosecutor nor defense attorney swore to tell the truth!
En la clase de Ciencias Naturales, la maestra pregunta a sus alumnos:
Lolita, ¿cómo se llama la vena que recoge toda la sangre del cuerpo y la manda al corazón?
No sé, maestra.
La vena cava, Lolita.
A ver, Carlitos, ¿cómo se llama la vena que va desde los pulmones al corazón?
No sé, maestra.
La vena pulmonar, Carlitos.
Entonces, Jaimito le pregunta a la maestra:
Maestra, ¿cómo se llama la vena que va desde la boca al culo?
¡Jaimito, no seas grosero, por Dios, esa no existe, niño!
Si existe, maestra, y se llama la vena Quacker!
Estaba un viejito bañandose en una bañera, cuando de repente empieza a dar gritos como loco llamando a la viejita:
Vieja, vieja, vieja, ven pa que veas esto, mira fÃjate como va para ariba, ay qué sabroso, se siente un friÃto divino, ay siento que me revive ay, ay…
La viejita, que era un poco odiosa, le responde:
No, viejo, eso no va para arriba, ese bicho lo que está es flotando.
A man goes hunting on day and sees a big bear ..so he thinks to himself that would look great in my game room…so he picks up his little rifle///takes aim…and fires….loud bang,big cloud of smoke….i got him the hunter says..he runs over to get his prize…look down and no bear…just then he feels a tap on his sholder..he turns around and the bear says to him…suck my dick or die so the hunter does his thing to the bear and goes home pissed off….
the next day the hunter returns for pay back with an even bigger gun… ill get him this time he says….he spots the bear takes aim…fires…loud bang…big cloud of smoke…he runs over to where the bear is…nothing…the hunter feels a tap on his sholder turns around and the bear says suck my dick or die hunter does it and goes home really pissed now…
next day hunter brings a fucking rocket launcher…sees the bear and boom!!!! the hunter runs over to where is and still nothing…he feels another tap on his sholder and the bear says…..your not here for the hunting are you
Teacher:How on earth can you write wire with 2 rs?
John:With a pen,miss.
What if the Hokey Pokey really is what its all about?
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