A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds.
Excuse me, he said, have you lost something?
No, replied one of the doctors. Were doing a heart transplant for an income-tax inspector and want to find a suitable stone.
What do you call an Eitheopean with feathers glued on his ass?
A dart
You might be a redneck if the Bluebook value of your truck changes with the amount of gas you have in it!
Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheik came in.
I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession.
The sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living. Im a cop, says the first man. Then we will shoot your penis off!, said the sheik.
He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living. Im a firemen, said the second man. Then we will burn your penis off!, said the sheik.
Finally, he asked the last man,And you, what do you do for a living? And the third man answered, with a sly grin, Im a lollipop salesman!
Q: Did you hear they put two new faces on Mt. Rushmore?
A: Yeah, they were Bill Clinton.
If you do not know what youre doing, do it neatly.
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.
A small tree begins to grow between them.
The beech says to the birch: Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?
The birch says he cannot tell.
Just then a woodpecker lands in the sapling.
The birch says Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies: It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. That, my friends, is the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in.
A speech impediment.
New Polish navy has glass bottom boats, to see to the old Polish navy.
Q: How many Beverly Hills residents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, they have a service come in and do that.