Old and New Jokes

Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.

how did dairy queen get pregnent???

A man from Atlanta moved to New York.

As he wandered the streets he stopped at an antique shop and decided to go in. On looking around he noticed a very strange looking bronze cat which had a tag on it saying, Bronze Cat $30.00, Story $150.00.

The man was very curious and asked the salesman to explain.

Well said the man, its just like it says, $30 for the cat and $150 for its story.

Ill just take the cat, said the man.

Very well, but you will be back, said the salesman.

The man left the shop with the cat in his pocket.

As he walked down the street he heard a strange mewing sound. On turning around he noticed there were a couple of cats following him.

The further he walked the more cats seemed to follow him. As he got to the Brooklyn Bridge he turned to see thousands of cats behind him.

Screw this! he said to himself and threw the bronze cat into the river. All the cats jumped into the river too and were drowned.

The man returned to the shop where he bought the cat.

I knew you would be back. $150.00 for the story, said the salesman.

Forget the story, said the man. Have you got a bronze Mets fan?

Q: What did the doe say when she came running out of the woods? A: Ill never do that for two bucks again.

What do hillbilly chicks and polar bears have in common?
They both lick their paws.

I heard this from a friend and am not sure of the source:

A teacher said to her little student Suzy, Punctuate the following
sentence: Fun fun fun worry worry worry.

Little Suzy thought for a moment and began her reply, Lets see…
Fun period fun period fun no period worry worry worry!

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Ice cream soda!
Ice cream soda who?
Ice cream soda whole world will know what a nut you are!

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Rosa!
Rosa who?
Rosa corn grow in a field!

There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big guy comes in and –WHACK!! — knocks him clean off the bar stool and onto the floor. The big guy says, That was a karate chop from Korea.



The little guy thinks GEEZ, but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden –WHACK– the big guy knocks him down AGAIN and says, That was a judo chop from Japan.



So the little guy has had enough of this… He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned. Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big idiot and –Bong!!!– bangs the big guy off his stool, knocking him out cold!!!



The little guy looks at the bartender and says, When he comes to, tell him that was a crowbar from Sears.

A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde robbed a supermarket. As they were stealing, a police officer walked in the store and saw what was happening. He dashed toward them, but they were able to get away into the back of the store. There they found three sacks to hide in. When the police officer checked there, he examined each sack.

He kicks the first bag, and the redhead says meow in a high voice. The cop determines that it must only be a cat in that bag, and he moves on to the next.

When he kicks the second bag, the brunette says woof in a low voice. The officer determines that it must only be a dog in that bag, so he moves on to the last bag.

He kicks the third bag, and the blonde shouts potato to the officer.