As cab drivers oftentimes do, the driver was darting in and out of heavy traffic with complete abandon. After a few hair-raising blocks, his passenger leaned forward and said, Would you please be more careful? I have six children at home.Scheesch lady. murmured the cabby. Youve got six kids and youve got the nerve to tell ME to be careful?
03
May
03
May
Its hard to make a comeback when you havent been anywhere.
03
May
A veterinarian got a phone call at midnight one night.
The woman on the other end of the phone said, My wee puppy is together with the dog from next door and I cant get them apart.
The vet asked her if she tried throwing a bucket of water on them.
She said Yes, but it didnt work.
He said, Did you try hitting them with a broom.
She said, Yes, but that didnt work either.
He then said, Well Maam heres what you do. Hang up. Ill call you back. When the phone rings, they will separate.
She said, Do you really think that will work?
He said, Well it just did for me!
03
May
A blonde went to go get her haircut wearing pair of headphones. The hairdresser tried to get her to take them off, but the blonde protested."You cant take those away from me — Ill die without them!" The hairdresser sighed, and tried to explain how difficult it would be to cut her hair with them on, but the blonde wouldnt budge. So she began cutting the hair around the headphones. Soon, the blonde feel asleep, and the hairdresser figured she could remove the headphones for a few minutes. But shortly thereafter, the blonde collapsed, dead on the floor. The hairdresser, confused, picked up the headphones, which were repeating "Breathe In, Breathe Out."
03
May
One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds. One of the boys said, ”What is that?”
”They’re smart pills,” said the other boy. ”Eat them and they’ll make you smarter.
So he ate them and said, ”These taste like sh*t.”
”See,” said the other boy, ”you’re getting smarter already.”
02
May
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Neal!
Neal who?
Neal and pray!
02
May
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Alda!
Alda who?
Alda time you knew who it was!
02
May
Q: How do you get a cellist to play fortissimo?
A: Write pp, espressivo.
02
May
Is Whitewater used to wash the Yellow Streak off of Bill Clintons draft dodging back?
02
May
Q: How many Republican Presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to change a lightbulb?
A: (Robertson) Oh, Lord, with thy divine illumination, heal this light bulb!