A guy was driving down the road in his car. A prostitute walks out in front of him. He smacks her with the bumper of his car and knocks her down.
He immediately stops the car, jumps out and runs to the lady lying on her back on the road.
She is groaning in pain. She mumbles I think Im blind.
I think Im blind.
Quickly the guy holds three of his fingers up in front of her and says, How many fingers do I have up?
Oh my God, she says. Im not paralyzed too, am I?
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Borg!
Borg who?
Borg out of my mind!
Q: How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?
A: All of them. Bones to say Its dead Jim, Uhura to send a distress signal, Sulu to listen to Chekov saying Light bulbs vere really an old russian invention, Spock to be fascinated by the illogic inherent in the early demise of the light bulb, Scotty to do the work, and Kirk to get the girl.
Know what to call the stuff that collects in the crotch of a womans panties?
Clitty litter.
Youre so dumb, you put a quarter into a parking meter and said, Hey, wheres my gumball?
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Betty!
Betty who?
Betty-bye!
There is always one more idiot than you counted on.
Science is not a sacred cow. Science is a horse. Dont worship it. Feed it.
A: They crossed a pit bull with a collie; it bites your leg off and goes for help.
Linda Tripp and and Ken Starr were cruising along a country road one
evening when a cow ran in front of the car. Ken tried to avoid it but
couldnt.
The cow was killed.
Linda told Ken to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what
happened. About an hour later he staggered back to the car with his
clothes in total disarray. He was holding a bottle of wine in one hand, a
cigar in the other and smiling happily.
What happened? asked Linda.
Well, Ken shyly replied the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me
the cigar, and their beautiful daughter made mad passionate love to me.
My God, what did you tell them? asked Linda.
The driver replied: That I was giving Linda Tripp a ride, and I just
killed the cow.