Q: What has 18 legs and two tits?
A: The Supreme Court
31
Dec
31
Dec
Why is the space between a womens tits and hips called a waist?
Because you could put another pair of tits there.
31
Dec
What do women and tornados have in common?
They both scream before they come and they take everything with them when they leave.
31
Dec
What is the difference between a good girl and a nice girl?
A nice girl goes out on a date, goes home, and goes to bed. A good girl goes out on a date, goes to bed, and then goes home.
31
Dec
You might be a redneck if you think “wind sprints†means running from a fart.
31
Dec
Description of a formal redneck wedding.
The brides father carries a white shotgun, her brothers, uncles, neighbors and former lovers wear clean jeans and flannel shirts, polish their boots, remove their hats (caps)during the ceremony, spit out their tobacco or snuff, and fill up the tank of the grooms pick-em-up truck, after removing the I love My Truck bumper sticker.
31
Dec
Why Farm Trucks Are Never Stolen
They have a range of about 20 miles before they overheat, break down or run out of gas.
Only the owner knows how to operate the door to get in or out.
It is difficult to drive fast with all the fence tools, grease rags, ropes, chains syringes, buckets, boots and loose papers in the cab.
It takes too long to start and the smoke coming up through the rusted-out floorboard clouds your vision.
The Border Collie on the toolbox looks mean.
Theyre too easy to spot. The description might go something like this: The drivers side door is red, the passenger side door is green, the right front fender is yellow, etc.
The large round bale in the back makes it hard to see if youre being chased. You could use the mirrors if they werent cracked and covered with duct tape.
Top speed is only about 45 mph.
Who wants a truck that needs a years worth of maintenance, u-joints, $3,000 in bodywork, taillights and a windshield.
It is hard to commit a crime with everyone waving at you.
31
Dec
Once, a redneck asked me : what do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
what?
Nothing – youve already told her TWICE!!!
31
Dec
A hot shot East Coast newspaper reporter was on assignment in Arkansas, when he struck up a conversation with a young lady in a bar. After a half dozen drinks, he suggested they get their own bottle and retire to his motel room, and she readily agreed.
Say, how old are you anyway?
the reporter asked as the obviously young lass was disrobing.
Thirteen, she replied with a shy smile.
Thirteen ??? My God, girl !!! You get those clothes back on at once at get the hell outta here ! Are you crazy ?
he thundered.
Pausing briefly at the door as she left, the perplexed nymphet smiled and said, Superstitious, huh ?
31
Dec
Redneck Sex Test.
1. A menstrual cycle has three wheels. True or False
2. Asphalt describes rectal problems. True or False
3. Spread Eagle is an extinct bird. True or False
4. Vagina is a medical term used to describe a Heart Attack. True or False
5. The clitoris is a type of flower. True or False
6. A G-string is part of a fiddle. True or False
7. Semen is a term for sailors. True or False
8. Anus is a Latin term for yearly. True or False
9. Testicles are found on an Octopus. True or False
10. A pubic hair is a wild rabbit. True or False
11. KOTEX is a radio station in Houston. True or False
12. Masturbate is used to catch large fish. True or False
13. Coitus is a musical instrument. True or False
14. Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke. True or False
15. An umbilical cord is part of a parachute. True or False
16. A condom is a large apartment complex. True or False
17. An orgasm is a person who accompanies a church choir. True or False
18. A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry. True or False
19. A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle. True or False
20. An erection is when Japanese people vote. True or False
21. A lesbian is a person from the Middle East. True or False
22. Sodomy is a special land of fast growing grass. True or False
23. Pornography is the business of making records. True or False
24. Genitals are people of non-Jewish origin. True or False
25. Douche is the French word for twelve.
True or False