Yo mama so lazy that she came in last place in a recent snail marathon.
25
Jul
25
Jul
Parasites par-uh-sites: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
Pharmacist farm-uh-sist: A helper on the farm.
Polarize po-lur-ize: What penguins see with.
25
Jul
Un dÃa la maestra le dice a los estudiantes: Para mañana tienen que decirme cuales son sus dos colores favoritos.
Entonces pepito piensa en el rojo y violeta y va por todo el camino a su casa: rojo, violeta, rojo, violeta. Se acuesta a dormir, rojo y violeta…
Al otro dia va camino a la escuela repitiendo rojo y violeta, finalmente llega al salón y la maestra pregunta: Rosita, ¿cuáles son tus dos colores?
Rosita contesta: Amarillo y verde.
La maestra pregunta: Eliezer, ¿cuáles son tus dos colores?
Eliezer contesta: Anaranjado y verde.
La maestra pregunta: Juan, ¿cuáles son tus dos colores?
juan, el negrito de la clase, contesta: Rojo y violeta.
Por fin la maestra le pregunta a Pepito: ¿Y tus colores cuáles son?
Y pepito furioso contesta: Negro carbón.
25
Jul
Un par de amigos estaban bebiendo en un bar, cuando uno entre sollozos le dice al otro:
Hermano, ayer encontre a mi mujer haciendo el amor con otro hombre en mi propia casa y en mi cama.
No lo puedo creer, pero dime ¿tu que medidas tomaste?
¡Pues que medidas voy a tomar si todo lo tenÃa adentro!
25
Jul
A doctor is going about his business, with a rectal thermometer tucked behind his ear.
He goes into a staff meeting to discuss the days activities, when a co-worker asks why he has a thermometer behind his ear?
In a wild motion he grabs for the thermometer, looks at it and exclaims, – Damn, some asshole has my pen!
25
Jul
Q: What has four legs and an arm?
A: A happy pit-bull
25
Jul
An engineering student was walking across campus when another engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle.
Where did you get such a great bike? asked the first.
The second engineer replied,
Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, Take what you want.
The second engineer nodded approvingly, Good choice; The clothes probably wouldnt have fit.
25
Jul
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Kenya!
Kenya who?
Kenya guess who is it?
25
Jul
He who knows nothing, knows nothing. But he who knows he knows nothing knows something. And he who knows someone whose friends wifes brother knows nothing, he knows something. Or something like that.
25
Jul
He was Born April 21st, 1818. He didnt become Josh Billings til he was forty years old. Between then and his death in 1885, he produced a plethora of pithy aphorisms. Consider these:
Theres a great power in words, if you dont hitch too many of them together.
About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.
Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done.
Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt of, not swallowed.
As a general rule, if you want to get at the truth – hear both sides and believe neither.
Solitude: A good place to visit, but a poor place to stay.
As long as we are lucky we attribute it to our smartness; our bad luck we give the gods credit for.
When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him.
One-half the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.
Keep a cow, and the milk wont have to be watered but once.
I have lived in this world just long enough to look carefully the second time into things that I am the most concerned of the first time.
The trouble with people is not that they dont know but that they know so much that aint so.
As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.
Confess your sins to the Lord, and you will be forgiven; confess them to men, and you will be laughed at.