There was a hotel that was widely known for having room service that could provide anything a person could want. A traveler there checked in and immediatly called room service.
He said I want brought to my room, a young virgin between the ages of eighteen and nineteen with blonde hair and blue eyes. I also want four peices of rope, exactly four feet in length, and a whip. Lastly, I want a Hungarian valet, thirty years old, with a dark complexion. Hurry, because Im tired and want to relax. About an hour later, room service called back, Sir, We are very sorry, we have the rope and the whip. The virgin was harder to find because around here, few girls reach that age with virginity intact. We have however, found one of the rare ones and she is somewhat blonde. We are extremely sorry to tell you though, that while we could not find a Hungarian valet as you requested, we have found a Romanian one. Will that do?
The traveler sighed. Im afraid not. So in that case, just send up a doughnut and a cup of tea.
Your best ashtray is a turtle shell. 252.Your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.
You think cur is a breed of dog.
People hear your car long before they see it.
Q: How many engineering students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but the rest of the class copies the report.
A group of Aussie gangsters are sitting around deliberating over methods they will employ in robbing a bank.
After a lot of thought, they all agree on the way to go about it.
In the wee hours of the following morning they meet and embark on their plans to get rich.
Once inside the bank, efforts at disabling the internal security system get under way immediately.
The robbers, expecting to find one or two huge safes filled with cash and valuables, are more than surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered strategically throughout the bank.
The first safes combination is cracked and inside the robbers find only a bowl of vanilla pudding.
Well, says one robber to another, at least we get a bit to eat.
They open up the second safe and it also contains nothing but vanilla pudding and the process continues until all the safes are opened and there is not one dollar, a diamond, or an ounce of gold to be found.
Instead, all the safes contain containers of pudding.
Disappointed, each of the mobsters makes a quiet exit, leaving with nothing more than queasy, uncomfortably full stomachs.
The following morning, a Sydney newspaper headline reads, Australias largest sperm bank robbed early this morning.
What does a 40 year old woman have between her breasts that an 18 year old doesnt?
Her navel!
¿Por qué la mujer vale más que el hombre?
Situación económica de la mujer:
1. Tiene dos glándulas mamarias que producen 2 l de leche (81 pesetas c/l, son 162 pesetas).
2. Dos jamones de pierna (360 pesetas c/u, son 720 pesetas).
3. Un pan bien grande (135 pesetas c/u, son 135 pesetas).
Total 1.017 pesetas.
Situación económica del hombre:
1. Un plátano (18 pesetas c/u, son 18 pesetas).
2. Dos huevos (13 pesetas c/u, son 26 pesetas).
3. Dos glándulas mamarias que no producen nada: 00.00.
Total 44 pesetas
Además, el hombre produce pérdidas: sus huevos no son comestibles y su pajarito ni siquiera canta.
A mother took her three-year-old daughter to church for the first time.
The church lights were lowered, and then the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles.
All was quiet until the little one started to sing in a loud voice, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you…
A blond decides that she needs to go shopping
As she buys 8 bottles of hair spray the man behind her asks Why buy that much hair spray
She said Your right it will go bad, but I hear it stays good for a week after it goes bad.
Your mama is so old she still ows Jesus 10 bucks
Q: What do elves learn in school?
A: The Elf-abet!