Old and New Jokes

What should be the official name for Bill & Hillary Clintons New York abode?

There were lots of possibilities, according to the creative audience of The Jayne Carroll Show, a political talk radio program which airs daily in the Portland, Oregon, metropolitan area. Carroll asked her audience to come up with an official name for the Clinton $1.7 million house in Chappaqua, NewYork.

Some names nominated for the Clintons new home included:

• Perjurers Palace
• HillBilly Villa
• The House of Bills Repute
• Drawers Downs
• Cheatem Estates
• Sin Simeon
• The Knee Pad
• The White Trash House
• The Blight House
• The Panderosa Liars Lair
• Bill & Hills Bribe & Breakfast
• The Clinton Compost
• Dogpatch on the Hudson
• The Hen House
• The Out House
• The Love Shack
• The House of Seven Felonies

  But the clear, hands-down winner was…

• DISGRACELAND

Recently our family sat down to a meal of curried chicken which neither of our sons had eaten before. Our five year old apparently didnt think that he would like it because it was his turn to say a prayer over the meal and he prayed, God, thanks for this food and please help me not taste it.

MADE FOR TV

Guns For Hire, an Arizona company specializing in staged gunfights for Western movies, got a call from a 47-year-old woman who wanted to have her husband shot. She was sentenced to four years in jail.

Q: How many sax players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but he has to go through a whole box to find just the right one.

Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They just write it up as a new and useful feature.

A little dwarf lady goes into her doctors office complaining of an irritated crotch.

After an examination the doctor sighs, I dont seem to see any problem. Does it get better or worse at any time?

Yeah, its really bad whenever it rains, she replies.

Well, then, says the Doc, Next time it rains, get in here at once, and well take another look at it.

Two weeks later it’s raining really hard and the little lady shows up at the doctors office. Doctor, its really bad today. Please you have to help me!!

Well, lets have a look, he says as he lifts her up onto the table.

Oh, yes, I think I see the problem. Nurse bring me a surgical kit. Dont worry maam this wont hurt a bit.

The dwarf lady closes her eyes in painful anticipation. The doctor begins snipping away and finishes a few minutes later. There you go, maam, try that.

She walks back and forth around the office and exclaims, Thats great, Doc, what did you do?!

To which the doctor replied, I just took a couple of inches off the top of your rain boots.

Dos maricas se detienen a la orilla de la carretera y uno de ellos penetra entre los arbustos con el fin de evacuar.

Después de un rato, el sarasa regresa todo pálido y afligido.

¿Pero qué te pasó?, le pregunta alarmado su compañero.

Aborté, responde compungido el afeminado.

¡Ay, tonta, no me espantes! ¡Nosotras no abortamos!

Sí, ven, acompáñame. ¡Mira sus manitas, mira sus ojitos…!

¡Estúpida! ¡Te cagaste en un sapo!

El padre se dirige a sus feligreses:

Si tienen fe sanarán, si tienen fe sanarán; pongan su mano sobre la parte afectada y el milagro ocurrirá.

Una pareja de viejitos está oyendo el sermón. El septuagenario disimuladamente baja la mano y la pone en la ingle. La viejita lo ve y le dice:

Viejo, él habló de milagro de sanación, no de resurrección.

Joke found on http://www.loschistes.com

He had to get to the body shop.

Two Surds were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes
into the flight, the Captain announces, One of the engines has failed
and the flight will be an hour longer. But dont worry, we have three
engines left.
Thirty minutes later, the Captain announces, One more engine has
failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But dont worry, we have
two engines left.
An hour later, the Captain announces, One more engine has failed
and the flight will be three hours longer. But dont worry, we have one
engine left.
One Surdarji looked at the other and said, If we lose one more
engine, well be up here all day!