Two 6 year old boys were attending religous school and giving the teachers problems. The teachers had tried everything to make them behave – time outs, notes home, missed recesses – but could do nothing with them. Finally the boys were sent to see the priest.The first boy went in and sat in a chair across the desk from the priest. The priest asked, "Do you know where God is?" The little boy just sat there. The priest stood up and asked again, "Son, do you know where God is?" The little boy trembled but said nothing. The priest leaned across the desk and again asked, "Do you know where God is?" The little boy bolted out of the chair ran past his friend in the waiting room, all the way home. He got in bed and pulled the covers up over his head. His friend had followed him home asked, "what happened in there?" The boy replied, "God is missing and they think we did it!"
An old joke, so old I dont remember the source – sorry 🙂
There was this white missionary working in the jungles of Africa with a
local tribe there.
One day the wife of the tribes chief got pregnant and eventually
gave birth. The Chief was utterly shocked when he found out that
the baby was a white boy. He was really confused so he decided to
pay a visit to the missionary.
Father, my wife gave birth to a baby
Why, thats a very good news, Chief. Congrats
But Father, it is a white boy!?!?!?
The missionary thinks for sometime and in a deep voice replies,
Well Chief, sometimes nature does work in some strange ways….
The other day I was taking a stroll along the mountain side
and I saw this beautiful black sheep in a herd of white
sheep..
The Chief looked very surprised and was silent for a moment
before he spoke,
Okay Father, heres the deal. You tell no one, and Ill tell
no one.
Patient: Im in a hospital! Why am I in here?
Doctor: Youve had an accident involving a train.
Patient: What happened?
Doctor: Well, Ive got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?
Patient: Well… The bad news first…
Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.
Patient: Thats terrible! Whats the good news?
Doctor: Theres a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves when the little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole.
He says, Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole.
The grandfather smiles. Ill bet you five dollars you cant.
Its too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole.
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he stuffs the worm back into the hole.
The grandfather, impressed with his grandsons ingenuity, hands him five dollars … then grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.
Thirty minutes later, the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars.
The little boy says, Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars?
The grandfather replies, Yes, I know. But thats from your grandma!
Yo mama so flat shes jealous of a piece of paper!
Yo mama so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!
There was a man and woman traveling along in their car. The man was driving when a police officer pulls them over. The officer walks up to the window and says Did you know you were speeding back there.
The lady (who is almost deaf) said to her husband What did he say, what did he say?
The man turns to his wife and said He said I was speeding. The officer then said Where are you from?
The man replied Chicago
The wife then says What did he say, what did he say?
The man turns to his wife and said, He wanted to know where we came from.
The officer then said Shit, you know, I had my worst fuck ever in Chicago.
The lady then says What did he say, what did he say?
The man turns back and says He says he thinks he knows you.
El capitán de un barco está pasando lista a la tripulación:
Jorge.
Presente.
Jaime.
Presente.
Margarito.
¡Ay, presente!, exclama con voz aflautada.
¡Margarito, agárrese los huevos y diga presente, ordena el capitán.
¡Ay, preSENTE!
Un rato después, todos los tripulantes zarpan en pequeños y frágiles botes. De pronto, Margarito cae al agua y un tiburón comienza a atacarlo:
¡Ay, auxilio! ¡Auxilio que me muerde el tibuRÓN!
Está un tÃo todo triste en el trabajo. Preocupado el jefe se le acerca:
¿Qué le pasa, Peláez?
Bueno, en fin… que voy a ser padre dentro de poco.
Pero, bueno, ¡felicidades! ¿Y a qué viene esa cara de funeral?
Verá, cuando se entere mi mujer…
Una pareja está haciendo el 69; de repente él exclama:
¡Hostias, se ha muerto el obispo de Murcia!
Ella le reclama:
Concéntrate en lo que estás haciendo, ¿no?
El tÃo replica:
¡Hombre, si no te limpiaras el coño con papel de periódico…!