En plena clase, Pepito pregunta a la profesora:
Maestra, ¿usted sabe qué es una cosa verde, con ocho patas, de tres pulgadas de largo y de aspecto asqueroso?
No sé, Pepito, ¿qué es?
Yo tampoco sé, maestra, pero esta cosa acaba de entrar debajo de su falda.
A woman was having a medical problem – her husband snoring.
So she called the doctor one morning, and asked him if there was anything he could do to relieve her suffering.
Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband, but it is really rather expensive. It will cost $1000 down, and payments of $450 for 24 months, plus payments for extras.
My goodness! the woman exclaimed, sounds like leasing a new sports car!
Humm, the doctor murmured, too obvious, huh?
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Len!
Len who?
Len us a fiver will you!
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
I just hope God grades on a curve.
A Jewish father, Moisha, was beset by his eldest son Yitzak …
Father, I am going to marry!
His father begins to dance with joy and sing Hava Nagila … Tell me, is she a good Jewish girl? says the father. What is her name?
OBrien replies the son … Shes Catholic …
Oy! says the father … But are you happy?
Im happy, says the son.
Ok…as long as youre happy … my blessings to you both, replies Moisha.
But the father is still counting on his remaining sons, Schlemiel and Chutzpah …
Schlemiel calls on his father the next evening, Father… I too will be married soon!
Again, Moisha breaks out in a dance and sings Gods praises …
What is her name, implores the father?
Kazalopodopolous, says the son. Shes Greek Orthodox …
Oy, says Moisha … But are you happy?
Im happy, father …
Ok … then you, too, have my blessing, intones Moisha.
Dejected, Moisha goes to the Temple to pray. Please God, let my remaining son Chutzpah marry a nice Jewish girl … to raise nice Jewish children in your eyes. PLEASE!
Chutzpah comes to his father excitedly and exclaims, Father! I am to wed in the spring!
Her NAME? WHAT IS HER NAME his father immediately demands?
Goldberg! says Chutzpah! Moisha is beside himself with joy! Praise God! Praise the Prophets!
Turning to Chutzpah, he asks, Is she Doctor Goldbergs daughter Shelley, from Los Angeles?
No … says Chutzpah.
Hmmm, says Moisha, Must be Attorney Goldbergs daughter Rachel from Hollywood?
Ah … no, father says Chutzpah.
Well, then, what is her first name, my youngest, truest, most beautiful Son?
Whoopi, says Chutzpah.
A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm. His friend Doug stops him and asks, Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer for? I got it for my wife, eh. answers Bob.Oh! exclaims Doug, Good trade.
A relative heard this on C-Span the night of President Clintons economic
address…
Chelsea wasnt feeling well at her private school. She went to the infirmary
to get some aspirin. The nurse discovered that nobody had ever signed
a parental consent form to authorize the school to dispense medicine to
the First Kid.
The nurse told Chelsea that they needed to contact one of her parents for
permission to give her aspirin. Chelsea told her, Oh, please call Daddy.
Moms far too busy.
The Dalai Lama walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, Make me one
with everything.
(From a joke-of-the-day calendar…)
Three Irish Catholic ladies are across the street from a brothel.
Isnt that Reverend Brown coming out of there?
What a scandal! For a clergyman to sink like that!
Isnt that Rabbi Farbstein?
Oh, that filthy Jew! Disgusting!
Isnt that Father Murphy?
My, my, there must be a very sick girl in there.