A sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway.
Asks a bystander as to why are the guys doing what they are doing
The bystander says A Marathon race is going on Sardar : What do they
get from that? Bystander : The winner will get a prize
Sardar : Then why are the others running?!
09
Dec
09
Dec
Gross pay: $
1222.02
Income Tax
244.40 Outgo Tax
45.21 State Tax
61.10 Interstate Tax
5.89 County Tax
6.11 City Tax
12.22 Rual Tax
4.44 Back Tax
1.11 Front Tax
1.16 Side tax
1.61 Up Tax
2.22 Down Tax
1.11 Knickknack Tax
1.98 Hackensack Tax
3.93 Thumbtax
0.98 Carpet Tax
0.69 Snack Tax
8.32 Surtax
3.46 Maam Tax
3.46 Parking Fee
5.00 No Parking Fee
10.00 F.I.C.A.
81.88 T.G.I.F
9.95 Life Ins.
5.85 Health Ins.
16.23 Disability Ins.
2.50 Ability Ins.
0.25 Liability Ins.
3.41 Dental Ins.
4.50 Mental Ins.
4.33 Fundamental Ins.
0.11 Coffee
6.85 Coffee Cups
66.51 Calendar Rental
3.06 Floor Rental
16.85 Chair Rental
4.32 Desk Rental
4.32 Union Dues
5.85 Union Donts
3.77 Cash Advances
0.69 Cash Retreats
121.35 Overtime
1.26 Undertime
54.83 Eastern Time
9.00 Central Time
8.00 Mountain Time
7.00 Pacific Time
6.00 Daylight Savings Time.
4.44 Time Out
12.21 Oxygen
10.22 Water
16.54 Electricity
38.23 Heat
51.42 Air Conditioning
46.83 Misc.
169.24 Total Take Home Pay = $
0000.02
This is where the expression just my 2 cents came from.
09
Dec
Dad: The only way to acquire a new skill is to start at the bottom.
Son: But I want to learn to swim?
09
Dec
Jenny was complaining about her date to her girlfriend Emily, The creep called me a slut she huffed.
Thats awful her friend exclaimed. What did you do?
I told him to get out of my bedroom, Jenny replied and take his friend with him.
09
Dec
A man, who smelled like a distillery, flopped down on a subway seat next to a priest. The mans tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled man turned to the priest and said, Say, Father, what causes arthritis? Mister, its caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man. Well, Ill be damned, the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. Im very sorry, I didnt mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis? I dont have it, Father. I was just reading that the Pope does.
09
Dec
When Sting dies, will his tombstone say, Stung?
08
Dec
Have you spent years trying and failing to understand what theyre saying?
Just by following these easy steps, you too can hold a conversation with a New Zealander.
What you hear and what it means:
A MEDGEN: visualize, conjure up mentally, John Lennon s first solo album Imagine, as if it was a Bug Hut in the Land of the Long White Cloud.
BETTING: Betting Gloves are worn by betsmen in crucket.
BRIST: Part of the human anatomy between the nick and the billy.
BUGGER: As in mine is bugger then yours.
CHULLY BUN: Chilly bin also known as an ESKY
COME YOUSE: Controversial captain of the Australian cricket team who resigned tearfully in favor of Allan Border. Full name: Kimberley John Hughes.
DIMMER KRETZ: Those who believe in democracy.
ERROR BUCK: Language spoken in countries like Surria, E-Jupp and Libernon.
EKKA DYMOCKS: University staff.
GUESS: Flammable vapor used in stoves.
CHICK OUT CHUCKS: Supermarket point of sale operators.
SENDLES: Sandals, thongs and open shoes.
COLOR: Terminator, violent forecloses of human life.
CUSS: Kiss.
DUCK HID: Term of abuse directed mainly at males.
PHAR LAP: New Zealands famous racehorse christened Phillip but was incorrectly written down as Phar Lap by an Australian racing official who was not well versed in Kiwi-ese.
DUNNESTY: US television soap opera starred Joan Collins as Elixirs Kerrungton.
ERROR ROUTE: Arnotts famous oval-shaped mulk error route buskets.
FITTER CHENEY. A type of long flat pasta, not to be confused with Rugger Tony or Tell ya. Tilly.
08
Dec
There was a beautiful young blonde who was going to a soda machine and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst. She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a little, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke which she placed on a counter by the machine. Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change. She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mountain Dew. As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man who had been waiting patiently for several minutes now spoke up.
Excuse me Ms. but are you done yet?
She looked at him and indignantly replied: Well Duhhh!, Im still winning.
08
Dec
Una chica sale con un muchacho y éste conduce su coche a una calle oscura, donde se estaciona y empieza a besarla y acariciarla.
La chica primero acepta, pero luego, de golpe, abre la puerta y sale corriendo. Al llegar a su casa escribe en su diario:
Querido diario: las mejores amigas de una mujer son sus piernas.
La semana siguiente se reproduce la misma situación. Calle oscura, comienzan los besos y abrazos, pero la chica se arrepiente, abre la puerta y sale corriendo. Al llegar a la casa vuelve a escribir en el diario:
Querido diario: las mejores amigas de una mujer son sus piernas.
Tercera oportunidad en que se encuentran. Esta vez la chica llega a su casa pasadas las tres de la mañana y escribe en su diario:
Querido diario: a veces hasta las mejores amigas deben separarse.
08
Dec
Un hombre en sus cuarentas compró un BMW y salió a correrlo a la autopista a toda velocidad, cuando de pronto vio la luz roja y azul de una patrulla siguiéndolo.
No hay forma de que me alcancen con este auto, pensó y aceleró a fondo. Tras unos segundos, se dio cuenta del problema en el que se estaba metiendo, y se detuvo a un lado de la carretera.
El policÃa se acercó a él, tomó su licencia sin decir nada, la examinó con cuidado y revisó el auto. Después le dijo:
Mire amigo, ha sido un dÃa muy pesado, estoy a punto de terminar mi turno y además es viernes. No tengo ganas de hacer papeleo, asà que si puede darme una excusa para su exceso de velocidad que no haya escuchado nunca antes, lo dejaré ir.
El tipo lo pensó por un segundo y respondió:
La semana pasada mi esposa se fugó con un policÃa. TenÃa miedo de que usted estuviera tratando de regresármela.
¡Que tenga un bonito fin de semana!, dijo el policÃa.