You confuse Lenin with Lennon.
18
Nov
18
Nov
81. The only reason you ever dress up is when everything else is dirty.
82. Your parents start to tell you stories about their college days.
83. With all the wealth of knowledge around you, you start to feel like youre on intellectual welfare.
84. Going to the mini-mart is a major treat.
85. Amount of alcohol consumed is directly proportional to grade point average.
86. You have two kinds of shoes: everyday shoes and party shoes.
87. Classes: the later the better.
88. The cute girls actually talk to you now.
89. Care packages make it all worthwhile.
90. The longer youre there, the less you talk about home.
18
Nov
A: To a crow bar.
18
Nov
On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth.
On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear!
18
Nov
In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two
feet of water after squeezing headfirst through an 18-inch-wide sewer
grate to retrieve his car keys.
18
Nov
What is the difference between a leech and a lawyer?
The leech stops sucking you dry after youre dead.
18
Nov
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Q. How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A. She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
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Q. What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
A. Look! They spelled MACYs wrong!
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Q. Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A. Her blinker was on.
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Q. What do you call a blond skeleton in a clothes closet?
A. The 1960 hide-and-go-seek champion.
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Q. How did the blonde hurt herself while raking the leaves?
A. She fell out of the tree
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Q. How do you get a twinkle in a blondes eye?
A. Shine a flashlight in her ear.
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Q. Why did God give every blonde two more brain cells than a cow?
A. So they dont moo-moo when you pull on their tits.
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Q. How do blonde brain cells die?
A. Alone.
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18
Nov
…and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint.The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!
18
Nov
A ten-year old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then one day she floored her grandmother by asking, Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus? The Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?
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A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, And why is it necessary to be quiet in church? One bright little girl replied, Because people are sleeping!
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A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between the pages.
Momma, look what I found, the boy called out.
What have you got there, dear? his mother asked.
With astonishment in the young boys voice he answered, Its Adams suit!!
18
Nov
You can unscrew a light bulb.