Old and New Jokes

Who are the five most constipated men in the Old Testament?

1) Cain wasnt Abel.

2) Moses went up onto the mountain and took two tablets.

3) King David sat on the throne for forty years.

4) Solomon – neither heaven nor Earth could move him.

5) Noah was at sea for forty days and forty nights and all he passed was water.

You so poor when i walked in your mamas house i steped on a roach your mama said clap your hans stump your feet prase the lord we got something to eat.

A simple alternative, now that McDonalds has spread to virtually every country on earth, has become to look at what a Big Mac costs, the IW said.

A particularly hungry American can buy five Big Macs for 11 dollars. If he exchanged the money into Deutsch-marks, his 18 marks in Germany can just barely obtain four Big Macs, the IW said.

Conclusion: based on the Big Mac index, the dollar is undervalued, the institute said.

Americans can get their best Big Mac buy these days in Moscow, where one sandwich costs only about 59 cents.

But Russians must work nearly two days in order to afford this meaty capitalist achievement – longer than people in any other country, the IW said.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

184. Study computer science and listen to techno while talking about robots taking over the world.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

131. Sign your roommate up for various activities (Campus tour guide, blood donor, peer tutoring).

A dead Scotsman.

How many light beer drinkers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.

Yo momma sooo poor that i saw her kicking a can down the street, so i asked her what she was doing,

and she said movin.

A: Theres writing on the whiteout.

77 year old Morris went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with great results. Dr. Cohen said, Morris everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally, emotionally and are you at peace with yourself, and have a good relationship with God?

Morris replied, God and me are tight. We are so close that when I get up in the middle of the night, *poof* … the light goes on when I go to the bathroom and then *poof* the light goes off!

Wow, commented Dr. Cohen, Thats incredible!

A little later in the day Dr. Cohen called Morriss wife. Becky, he said, Morris is just fine. Physically hes great. But I had to call because Im in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and *poof* the light goes on in the bathroom and then *poof* the light goes off?

Becky replied, The darn fool! … Hes peeing in the fridge again!