Two girls asked their mom which side of the creek was best to catch fish for she always caught fish and they caught none. She said when I wake up and your dads pecker is laying to the left I fish the left bank and if it lays to the right I fish the right bank. They both snikared and said what if it stands in the middle she replied. Then there is no time for fishin!
28
Nov
28
Nov
Conservatives are wasting their time, energy and votes if they stay in the Republican Party. No more than the Democrats do the Republicans honor the Constitution. They merely violate it at a slower pace.
— Joseph Sobran
28
Nov
Q: What do you look for when youre tracking a shoo-be-doo-be?
A: Shoo-be-doo-be-doo.
28
Nov
Little Johnny was staying with his grandmother for a few days. Hed been playing outside for a while when he came into the house and asked her, Grandma, what is it called when people are sleeping on top of each other?
She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth. Its called sexual intercourse, darling.
Little Johnny just said, OK and went back outside to play.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse! Its called bunk beds!
28
Nov
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals. She proudly said, "Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!" Her friend said, "O.K. then, whats the capital of France?" The blonde replied, "Oh, thats so easy! F."
28
Nov
Whats the difference between a gay guy and a refridgerator?
28
Nov
Q: How do you get a heavy metal guitarist to stop playing guitar?
A: Put sheet music in front of him.
28
Nov
An elderly Jewish lady is leaving the garment district to go home from work. Suddenly a man who has been walking towards her, stands in front of her, blocks her path, opens up his raincoat and flashes her. Unruffled she takes a look and remarks, This you call a lining?
28
Nov
Q: Why are married women heavier than single women?
A: Single women come home, see whats in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see whats in bed and go to the fridge.
Q: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A: Both of them.
Q: Why did the man cross the road?
A: He heard the chicken was a slut.
Q: Why dont women blink during foreplay?
A: They dont have time.
Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm cells to fertilize one egg?
A: They wont stop to ask directions.
Q: What do men and sperm have in common?
A: They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
Q: How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A: He buys two cases of beer.
Q: What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A: The bonds mature.
Q: Why are blonde jokes so short?
A: So men can remember them.
Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A: We dont know; it has never happened.
Q: Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
A: They all already have boyfriends.
Q: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A: A Widow.
Q: How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
A: His hand caught fire.
Q: How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
A: Put the remote control between his toes.
Q: What did God say after creating Adam?
A: I must be able to do better than that.
Q: What did God say after creating Eve?
A: Practice makes perfect.
Q: How are men and parking spots alike?
A: Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.
Q: What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A: They are married.
Man says to God: God, why did you make woman so beautiful?
God says: So you would love her.
But God, the man says, why did you make her so dumb?
God says: So she would love you.
28
Nov
A man enters a bar and orders ten beer. He drinks them and orders ten more. The bartender asks:
Why do you drink that much ?
Man: today was the first time in my life I had oral sex
Bartender: Thats indeed a reason to celebrate
Man: No, Im trying to wash away the taste